Whoring myself for fun and profit

I wasn't terribly surprised when I picked up a sweaty, used copy of the WaPo Express at the gym yesterday and saw that my rant against their crappy new score card-less production schedule had been cited in "The Blog Log*." I mean, it was pretty much a shoe in--as anyone who's read the "Log" more than twice knows, the three ways to pretty much guarantee you get excerpted are 1) mention the Express; 2) say something vaguely witty about how craptastic Metro service is; or 3) verbally fellate Butterstick.

I was, however, fairly pleased with the bit they chose to excerpt:

"Heh heh heh," I thought to myself. "They quoted me saying 'douchebags**.' Hot."

Once my initial giddiness at having reached such dazzling heights of local and ephemeral quasi-celebrity wore off, I started to get a little peeved. First, at the credit line. Jordan Baker "notes that this newspaper no longer prints" score cards? Notes???? That makes it sound so benign. "Oh, I see the Express is no longer printing a Nats special edition. Oh, bother. More Earl Grey, anyone?"

Seriously--notes???? Did you guys miss the part where I blamed you for ruining my life? More appropriate options: "mourns the loss of special editions," "excoriates this newspaper for no longer printing a special edition," "rails against 'the Man' at this newspaper for bringing her so much happiness last season, only to dash her spirits this year at opening day."

The thing that really sticks in my craw, though, is "[Internet]." Why the brackets, one might ask? Well, because my original post said "Internets," and the Blog Log apparently thought this was a typo.

Um, No.

Seriously, are you trying to tell me that a column that exists solely to monitor blogs has never seen the word "internets" before? It's common parlance around here, idiots. How common? 60,750 posts on Technorati common, that's how common. How common? Of the blogs I read daily (most of them local, Express, so they should be on your radar), I would guarantee I see at least one "internets" or "teh internets" every other day. How common? Urban Dictionary common. Wikipedia common. President Bush common.

And you thought it was a typo? You're not implying that the divinely appointed leader of the free world makes mistakes, are you Express? Are you????

Pinko Commie rag.

There's one way to make this up to me, Express, and it doesn't include printing a retraction. I don't want you to print a sad little mea culpa in tiny, tiny print that will be overlooked by even the most bored commuter in your target audience.

You know what I want, Express. You know how to make this better.

Bring. Back. The score cards.

*Mad props to I-66 for sending me the image and thus sparing you all the crappily formatted transcription I had here before.
**Not, I realize, terribly hard given the frequency with which I use this word.