Smell that October. . .nom nom nom

I was thinking this morning about how this is the fourth year in a row that I'll have foisted my fearless and fairly illogical postseason baseball predictions on my hapless readers. And that made me feel old and sad.

And then I thought about what a weird and narratively satisfying postseason this is, and that made me happy.

And then I woke up and found out that the White Sox had beat the Twins in their down-to-the-wire playoff game, and I said "BAH!" Because having two Chicago teams might make for a good storyline, but that doesn't change the fact that I sodding hate the White Sox.

Anyway, there's sufficient going on this week that I thought I'd make some picks for Project Runway and tomorrow night's VeepApalooza as well. But baseball, as always, comes first.

As you may recall, this is where you and I match our picks for the postseason against those of the venerable Washington Post and the tiny Ken Rosenthal the highly scientific scoring system is as follows: in the Division Series, you get two points for picking the correct team and 1 additional point if you also pick the correct number of games. Points then double for each subsequent round (4/2 for the League Championship; 8/4 for the World Series).

You may also recall that last year I met with a rather ignominous defeat, as the final scores were FOX: 20; Cuff: 18;Laura: 13 (and 8 points for Mr. Laura); GSR: 12; Jordan: 10; Megarita: 8;Arjewtino: 8; Susan: 8; Claven: 4; WaPo: 4; Reid: 0; and i-66: 0. But I still hold the all time points record with 23 points for the glorious 2006 postseason.

Please bear in mind that the first round is best of five, so no picking Cubs over Dodgers in 6.

This is a tough year for me to call. First, we've got two teams (the Cubs and the Brewers) that I'm used to thinking of as the enemy. It's kind of like Sophie's Choice, if Sophie had a third child who died before the war that was the only one she really loved, and she was left looking at her two remaining children, turning to the Nazis, and asking "are you sure you don't want to take both?"

Then there's one team I don't think should exist (the Rays); one I hate (White Sox); one I'm legitimately fond of (Angels); one I'm kind of rooting for on underdog principles (Dodgers); and one I'm just bored with (Red Sox). I'm sorry, Boston: you were exciting in 2004, but no more. You're no longer the ragtag bunch of loveable nuts who won over America, and you don't have the swagger to make good champions. You're boring. You're like the Patriots of baseball.

Oh, and then there are the Phillies, who I don't really have an opinion on, but for some reason I can't think about them without adding a mental "bitch, please."

So first: Cubs vs. Dodgers

This is by far the most narratively interesting matchup. Let me say right off the bat that I'm rooting for the Dodgers, both because they're playing against the Cubs, and because I'd love nothing more than to see Joe Torre hoist a World Series trophy, then turn around, drop trou, wave his cancer surviving ass at the cameras, and say "kiss it, Steinbrenner" to the man who shitcanned him for not getting the Yankees back to the big dance.

Where are the Yankees, by the way? Oh yeah. At their offseason homes in Florida. Hey, maybe they'll catch a Rays game.

That said, the Dodgers clawed out a win in the NL West. Which is kind of like being valedictorian of a community college in rural Arkansas.

The Cubs' fans are all hyped up about possibly winning their first Series in a century. Which would be awesome; it would be perfect and symmetrical and almost like a fairy tale. The problem with this, naturally, is that this is not a fairy tale. This is real life. And in real life, things seldom happen so perfectly and symmetrically.

But when they do, it's usually in baseball.

Jordan says: Cubs in 4
WaPo says: Cubs in 5
FOX says: Cubs in 5

Next, Brewers vs. Phillies

Let me just say: I don't approve of the Brewers. I don't approve of their firing of Ned Yost with a dozen games left in the season, and I don't approve of their subsequent success.

Really, I'm just cheezed off because one of my dearest friends is a Brewers' fan, and I'm pissed that if they succeed, I'll no longer be able to dangle 1982 over his head. Or not as much.

But the Phillies? Bitch, please.

Jordan says: Brewers in 5
WaPo says: Phillies in 4
FOX says: Phillies in 4

Moving to the debased American League, we have the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim vs. the Boston Red Sox of Boston.

Remember when the Red Sox hadn't won a World Series in like a zillion years, and they were all cursed and interesting and had long hair and beards and Johnny Damon? And then they won, an the whole world celebrated? And then they won again, and we were all kind of ". . .the hell?"

And now they just bore me.

The Angels, on the other hand, have a 100 win season. And a monkey.

Jordan says: Angels in 4
WaPo says: Red Sox 5
FOX says: Angels in 5

Finally, we have the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays vs. the Chicago White Sox

I've mentioned that I don't think the Rays should exist. I also don't think they should have changed their name. Further, I'm on record as saying they'll never win a World Series:

There are some teams that should just never win a World Series**. Those
teams are: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays; the Texas Rangers; the Houston Astros; and
the Colorado Rockies. Seeing one of these teams with a ring is the first sign of
the end of days.

That said: I think there's a 75% chance they make it past the White Sox, and the only reason I'm not going higher than 75% is because I'm a huge believer in momentum, and right now, the White Sox: they has it.

Jordan says: Rays in 4
WaPo says: Rays in 3
FOX says: Rays in 4

Now for my equally fearless and almost as illogical Project Runway prediciton--and I say this having seen the Bryant Park collections, but read no spoilers. No one will be eliminated tonight. Everyone's dress will suck, and the judges will refuse to name a winner or a loser. The final four will be sent home with an additional challenge: to make a wedding dress to be part of their collection, and the elimination before the final 3 will be based on that.

Winner: Bravo, who creates a finale so annoying that the ratings will totally tank before shipping it off to Lifetime.
Losers: All of us who have to hear Kenley mispronounce words like "bewbs" for another two weeks.

And in the Vice-Presidential debate, Sarah Palin will make a babbling idiot of herself. However, as the last two elections have proved, Americans love nothing more than a babbling idiot. We want our leaders to be just like us!

Winner: Both campaigns will say their candidate won, as usual.
Loser: the American people.

Your picks in the comments, folks! Smell that October!