No more Manny Acta! (sing it like a conga chant. "No More Manny Ac-TA! No More Manny Ac-TA!")
And YES, I realize that this is not going to magically fix the Nationals, and that the odds of them coming in with a winning season (or, really, even a less embarrassing losing season than last year's triple digit nightmare) are still slim to sodding none.
But this is SO long overdue that it's hard to even say "it's about fucking time." Because it was past about fucking time in Spring Training--to let that laconic jackass stay at the helm for sixty-one losses in the first half of the season. . .
. . . well. Can you sue the owners of a baseball team for malpractice? Because in my mind, that would be the ideal recourse for the District of Columbia.
Anyway. On with the Cheffing Show! First up in this week's match, we have. . .Lachlan
Mackinnon Patterson! You May Know Him From: Frasca Food & Wine in Boulder; 2005 Food & Wine Best New Chefs; 2008 Beard award for Best Chef: Southwest.
In His Favor: He's got the youth and the hotness. I mean, let's look at what we've got in the Round of Champions so far: two established old guys; two chicks. We need at least one young hot chef to make it through to round out our usual crew of Top Chef "types," and we don't really have a lot of opportunities left for that.
Against Him: The youth and the inexperience. So far, Top Chef: Masters has not been kind to young up & comers.
Vedict: Personal Favorite. As I said when I started this little enterprise, my predictions often have little or nothing to do with culinary bona fides. And this guy gets my vote on several non-culinary counts. Such as 1) His name is AWESOME. Lachlan and a double barrelled, non hyphenated* last name? Yes, please. 2) He started his cheftastic career at the Old Warson Country Club in St. Louis. Hometown love? Oh, I will give you some. 3) I may have mentioned this already, but he appears to have both the youth and the hotness. These are not factors to be overlooked.
Next, we have. . . Michael Chiarello!
You May Know Him From: Tra Vigne and Bottega restaurants in Napa; the NapaStyle product line; the Chiarello Family Vineyards; several seasons of acting slightly molestery on Food Network's Easy Entertaining with Michael Chiarello; and other shows on PBS and Fine Living Network.In His Favor: Massive name recognition; solid, established reputation; Bravo's desire to get back at FoodNetwork (who let Chiarello's show fade into obscurity) for stealing Ted Allen.
Against Him: Too much name recognition? He's well known and well established, yes, but almost to the point where he's better known as a shill than a chef; Bravo's desire to get back at FoodNetwork (who continue to employ Chiarello through sister network Fine Living) for stealing Ted Allen.
Verdict: Just Here for Show. His episode might get a ratings boost from any rabid Chiarello fans (are there any?) who tune in to see him in action, but the Top Chef franchise takes itself too seriously to give a "TV Chef" a real shot at the title. Also, I can't even see him without thinking "Sexual Confusion with Michael Chiarello!" And I know that's just me, but still.
Third on the block, there's . . .Nils Noren!
You May Know Him From: Um. . . ok, you probably don't know him. He apparently worked in "several of Stockholm's finest restaurants" before becoming Chef de Cuisine and then Executive Chef at New York's Aquavit. He's currently Vice President of Culinary Arts for The French Culinary Institute’s culinary, pastry, bread and Italian food departments.
In His Favor: He was apparently voted "The chef that should have gotten an award by now, but hasn't" in a 2008 survey of New York chefs which I'm sure was conducted in an entirely controlled and scientific manner; he may have the same dark horse mojo working for him that propelled Anita Lo to victory last week; he's Swedish. They're super efficient and good at everything. Just ask Anna at IKEA.
Against Him: Even if he should have gotten an award by now, he hasn't. And you can't cook dinner with an Allen Wrench.
Prediction: Even Odds. This could be another Lo/Tracht type shocker. Or it could be nothing.
And finally, there's . . . Rick Moonen! You May Know Him From: RM Seafood in Vegas; the shuttered RM New York; previous work at Oceana and Molyvos with the Livanos Restaurant group; co-authoring Fish Without a Doubt.
In His Favor: 10+ years of 3 star reviews; the most recent Top Chef (barf) is also a "seafood guy;" sustainability is big right now.
Against Him: Being the "seafood guy" could be limiting. Just ask Brian Malarkey and his hat from season 3. If he makes it through, I predict that he gets dinged not too far into the Champion's Round for only doing seafood.
Verdict: Meh. I don't see it. He looks like a malevolent elf.
Ok. You may now return to celebrating the beauty of a Manny-free DC. No more Manny Ac-TA! No more Manny Ac-TA!
* Hyphens are common, darlings.
2 comments:
Damn, girl, you've got such a high going today, I hope Insult Guy doesn't get in your path, or he may take a whuppin'.
As for the chefs, I would love to see Rick Moonen win cooking beef. Joking aside, I'm going with Lachlan, because TCM needs a youth vote.
I'm waiting for the day, D.C. has some good baseball going.
Adam Dunn is going to hit 58 home runs this year, but what the heck happened to Austin Kearns?
I voted for Nils Noren because he was pointing at me.
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