Top Chef Vegas: Where The Overdue and Inevitable Finally Happens

Robin’s not your mom
And she’s not Top Chef either
Panna Cotta curse?

So what else can you say about Robin? She’s gone. She probably should’ve been gone awhile ago. She clearly lucked out by having a long string of what I’ve seen called “SSW” or “Someone Sucked Worse” experiences in the bottom 3, and having one extremely well placed immunity that she may or may not have gotten largely by playing the cancer pity card.

I am tickled by the idea of her and Mike I having to hang out in the sequester apartment, though. It’s going to be a long last couple days before the final three or four for the both of them.

On the episode as a whole, I loved the idea of the challenge. I think this is maybe first time they’ve really celebrated Vegas AS Vegas, and not just as the Western outpost where a lot of great chefs have extra restaurants. This one really required them to explore and use the strip rather than just trotting out a bunch of dancing girls or a craps table for visual effects and/or some sort of weird Quickfire twist.

That’s one of the reasons I kind of wish they’d done this challenge earlier. There are SO MANY Casinos they could’ve worked with! So many great ones got the shaft! I mean, admit it: you’re DYING to know what someone would’ve come up with for the Caesar’s Palace dish.

Sigh. I haven’t been to Vegas in 7 years. Maybe it’s time for a return trip (but it’s so much tougher when it involves a cross country flight and actual money and all rather than just hopping in the car with your girls and driving for 6 or 7 hours. . . ).

Anyway. Don’t forget to go to Bravo and vote for Fan Favorite, or to watch Padma on 30 Rock.

Morning! Top Chef, Vegas Luxury Cheftestant Compound. Robin pulls a Glad bag out of the drawer, while Bryan reflects on how much he misses his wife and 22 month old son. Aw. The Voltaggios have pretty babies. Jen interviews that Mike I not being there is a big deal, and she needs to start worrying about herself instead of the others.

Time for the Quickfire! Rather than going to the M, they wind up at the Venetian, which may be my all time favorite cheesy Vegas Hotel. I mean. . .it has a freaking canal.

The chefs go to a kitchen in the bowels of the Venetian, where they stand around until the phone rings.

It’s Padma, of course. Having burnt out on her arduous hosting duties, she’s now giving them the quickfire instructions via the phone, from her bed, while wearing her bathrobe. Damn, I wish I could do my job that way. It’s kind of like she’s Bosley, and they’re the angels. Except there are six of them, and I have reservations about their crime fighting abilities.

The chefs will be making room service for Padma and Nigella Lawson, who are both in white hotel bathrobes and looking pretty damn smoldering. They get to eat breakfast in bed. Lucky em effers. The chefs have 30 minutes and anything they find in the kitchen.

Food flurry! In the first group to cook, Eli is making a Corned Beef Reuben Benedict. . . so if you own the Quickfire cookbook or read my post from Monday, you now know who’s going to win. Robin is frantic and only makes each lady one blintz.

In the second group, Michael is trying to work in Robin’s former station and spends 5 minutes cleaning up the mess she’s left.

Robin serves first , and her breakfast in bed is a Blintz with Goat Cheese, Caramelized Pineapple and Blueberries. Eli then serves his Fried Egg Reuben Benedict with Thousand Island Hollandaise Sauce, which we already know is the winner. Nigella says it would be a great hangover breakfast. I know what I’m eating this weekend!

Back in the kitchen, Kevin is making steak and eggs and Jen has to turn off something of Michael’s because it’s on fire. Michael interviews that nothing is working for him. Robin comes to get some of her stuff – while Michael is still working – and completely gets in his way then gets pissed off that he snaps at her. Ok, I understand that they have a history of arguing and she’s got a burr up her ass about people thinking she shouldn’t be there (she shouldn’t), but as both a big believer in clean-as-you-go cooking and someone who wants to lick Michael Voltaggio’s sternum, I’m completely on his side.

The second group takes their dishes up to Padma and Nigella’s suite. Michael serves a Huevos Cubana with Banana Puree, Rice, Bacon, Arugula Salad with complex instructions. The ladies seem to enjoy it, which Michael finds hilarious given what a wreck his process was. Then Kevin serves a Steak and Eggs with Creme Fraiche, Aged Cheddar, and Green Onion. Oh, that sounds so good. I love Steak and Eggs. He tells them that in the South, they like a hearty breakfast. I love Kevin.

Back in the kitchen, Jennifer and Bryan are prepping. Jen says that she does room service out of her kitchen where she works. She’s doing an army inspired chipped beef on toast, or “shit on a shingle”.

Jennifer serves her S.O.S. Creamed Chipped Beef with Toast and Potatoes (SOS = shit on a shingle). Nigella looks at it curiously because the presentation’s kind of a slop, but seems to enjoy it. Bryan then serves them a 4 Minute Egg with Vanilla Beurre Fondue, crab, Asparagus Spears and Corn Polenta. Ok, crab and vanilla just sounds like a world of wrong to me.

Nigella says that the vanilla threw her off slightly, and it would’ve been a complete star if the vanilla hadn’t been there.

The chefs all head back to the suite where a now fully dressed Padma and Nigella await them.
Nigella’s least favorites were Bryan’s, because she didn’t like the vanilla, and Robin’s, because the blintz didn’t have enough contrast.

Conversely, the top were Kevin’s Steak and Eggs which understood the challenge, and Eli’s Breakfast Reuben because it “slapped the jetlag out of me.” And the winner is. . .(oh, god, the suspense is killing me!!!) . . .Eli! Which we knew from the moment he started cooking. His prize is (ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! Pick me!) that his recipe will go into the Top Chef Quickfire cookbook.

With scarcely a pause, Padma tells them about their Elimination challenge. They’ll be celebrating the Las Vegas Strip by creating a dish inspired by one of the casinos. They draw knives to get their casinos. Bryan gets Mandalay Bay; Eli gets Circus Circus, Michael gets New York New York; Kevin gets the Mirage, Jen gets the Excalibur, and Robin gets the Belagio.

They’ll each have to cook for 175 guests the next night on top of Las Vegas’ World Market Center. They get to spend the rest of the day exploring the town to get inspired. Commercial!

Back! We watch as the chefs go around to the different casinos. Michael wants his New York New York dish to be a tribute to the firefighters of New York. Hm. Slap me for being un-American, but that seems a teeny bit dated if you ask me.

Jen wanders through the Excalibur and watches the Tournament of Kings, which is like Medieval Times, only awesomer because it's not in a mall parking lot. She has no idea what to make, and thinks her brain isn’t working.

At Mandalay Bay, Bryan heads for the shark reef which is AWESOME. Mandalay Bay is one of my favorite non-cheezy casinos. He decides to do a sustainable seafood dish inspired by the sharks and the hotel’s commitment to sustainability. He also buys his son a stuffed shark on his way out, saying “it would be nice to take this home and give it to him”.

You know what else would be nice to take home and give to him, Bryan? $100K. The kid seems bright; he recognized you and called you “Bryan!” on the phone. I’m sure he’d prefer $100K to a stuffed shark.

Robin walks into the Belagio, and falls in love with the Dale Chihuly sculpture overhead. She talks about how she considers herself an artist, and plots something involving gelatin. Eek. I mean, my first thought was some sort of sculptural 1950’s Jell-O dish, but it’s even worse the way she means it – gelatin plus Top Chef has rarely yielded good results.

Kevin pulls up to the Mirage and watches the dolphin show. I can't help wishing he'd gone to the volcano for his inspiration. Or the Tigers. Do they still have the Tigers out, or did they move them once that one attacked Roy? He talks about how everyone assumes he’s a redneck, but he’s committed to slow foods and Georgia Organics. Speaking only for myself, of course, I’ve never assumed Kevin was a redneck. A tree dwelling woodland creature, yes. Some sort of giant left to guard the faeries in their mushroom kingdom, definitely. But not a redneck.

At Circus Circus, perhaps the greatest tacky casino ever, Eli tries to think of how to bring in the aesthetics of the place as well as the concept of the Circus.

Back at the compound, they all kind of mock Eli for not being inspired by Circus Circus. Kevin says “the way he describes it, it’s like you’re standing in an art gallery looking at a really sad velvet painting.” Oh my God, a Velvet Eli!

It’s like a Velvet Elvis, only slightly less marketable.

Robin talks about how she’s pushing herself on this challenge because she doesn’t want to go home. Not to be a broken record but: shut up. No one WANTS to go home. That doesn’t make you at all special. Commercial.

Back. Morning at the compound. Robin sits outdoors and reflects while the boys wake up. Kevin is HEAVILY TATTOOED. That’s somewhat unexpected, for some reason. Eli interviews that “6 is a milestone.”

We get a quick flash of Whole Foods, but no shopping trip. The Chefs have 3.5 hours to cook, and they start by unloading their mysterious Whole Foods bags full of food that we didn’t see them buying for an undisclosed amount of money. Way to go on that one, editors.

Food flurry. Michael hopes winning would get him a step closer to the goal of owning his own restaurant. Robin is making a panna cotta, which is new for her. Ooooghh. . . .panna cotta is pretty much jinxed for Top Chef, and Robin is pretty much jinxed for doing new shit.

Jen asks Michael to be her Prince Charming. Yes, please. You would have extremely pretty babies. Her dish is inspired by the sword and the stone, and involves steak and red wine. Nom. Someone’s making goddamned beets again. Stop with the fucking beets, you motherfuckers—this is one of my favorite shows, and I itch every week just watching it. Eli is really getting into it and using peanuts and popcorn in his Circus Circus dish.

Bryan woodenly interviews about his sustainable fish dish, and reflects on how he can’t seem to win a quickfire, though he’s won three eliminations.

Eli interviews that Robin has often been “the lesser of two evils” and hopes her luck will run out this time. They Glad Wrap up their carts and head out to the party site, the World Market Center.

Eli calls the building a “massive sort of George Orwellian 1982 type place” and talks about how it overlooks the old and new strips. They work on preparing their stations. Michael is frying a shitload of chicken wings. Robin talks about how her sugar "glass" didn’t set and she can’t use it, but she still loves her dish. And suddenly all 175 of the diners arrive at once.

Kevin jokes that because he had the Mirage, he thought about putting up a picture of his dish and filling his bowls with sand, but he didn’t think that would win.
It’s just that simple.

The judges approach Jennifer. However, there’s nothing on her table. She preps her Sword in the Stone inspired NY Strip with Red Wine Reduction, Beets, Truffles, Herbs for them while she talks. Ooh, she has the goddamn beets. Dammit, Jen! Nigella thinks she needs Excalibur to cut it, and then jokes that the steak is the stone. Oh dear.

Next they go to Kevin and get his Mirage inspired Wild Alaskan Sockeye Salmon with Napa Cabbage and Cucumber. He says to eat the fish with the salad, and then kind of shoot the broth as a cleanser. Nigella says it’s delicious, and Toby says it has a kind of Thai flavor. Tom likes the tomato water.

Next up is Michael’s New York, New York Boneless Chicken Wing Confit with Curry and Blue Cheese Disc. Ok, among the things I don’t like: Chicken Wings. Bleu Cheese. But that still looks really good. Nigella loves the crisp skin, and Padma loves the cold dollop of bleu cheese dressing. Toby liked the temperature contrast, but didn’t love the flavor.

Robin explains her Bellagio inspired Panna Cotta (that’s it, Bravo? Really? That’s the whole description?), and shows them her failed sugar. Oh, poppet. Do not send them off to eat knowing that you failed. Nigella likes the smell, but thinks there’s too much gelatin. Toby says that the panna cotta is way too solid. Padma says that it worked in terms of inspiration, and Nigella says that the “glass” looked good, but Tom points out that she didn’t serve it.

Next they go for Bryan’s Escabeche of Halibut with Bouillabaisse Consomme, Parsley Coulis, and Garlic Chips inspired by Mandalay Bay. Padma expected the “parsley fluid gel” to be disgusting, but it’s actually quite nice. Toby says it tastes like a really professional dish.

Finally, they get to Eli’s Caramel Apple Peanut Soup with Popcorn Raspberry Froth. Oh, god, I didn’t catch the complete description last night, and now I’m REALLY glad I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. The raspberry froth represents the pink dome behind the hotel. Nigella says she’s frightened of the dish and isn’t going to try it first. Padma says she doesn’t like it at all. Nigella agrees that the texture didn’t work. Toby admires Eli’s willingness to go all in, but says that “like most people who come to Vegas, he has gambled and he has lost.” Commercial!

Back! Fake back. Eli pops champagne and Robin tells him“try not to hurt anyone this time.” Eli retorts that he didn’t hurt anyone last time, and Kevin reflects on how the momentum keeps changing at this point in the competition. Jen says “I love you guys.” Lamest fake back ever.

Back! Stew Room. Kevin asks how everyone’s stuff came out, and no one answers. Padma calls back Kevin and the Voltaggios.

They have the three favorite dishes. Tom tells Kevin that the texture of the salmon was great and the vegetables were bright and flavorful. Toby compliments the broth.

Nigella loved the garlic chips in Bryan’s dish, and found it “quiet and elegant.” Aw, it’s kind of like the dish is a metonym for Bryan himself.

Tom tells Michael that he reworked chicken wings into something better, and Toby tells him that “the thing I really liked about your dish is that it seemed to be perfectly expressive of the kind of thing that you do. Your food is very delicate and sometimes quite effeminate.”
. .. . . ? . . . .

Ok, anyway, that’s meant to be a compliment, and Nigella gives him the win for his girly chicken wings, licking her lips slightly as she does so. If Michael doesn’t win the $100K, he can sue Bravo, Magical Elves, and Nigella Lawson for sexual harassment. He gets a freaking giant bottle of wine and a 2 day 3 night trip to the vineyard in Napa valley.

They’re asked to send back the others. Robin tells them to write her name up [on the loser board] now.

Padma tells them they had the least successful dishes, and asked if Jennifer is surprised to be there. Jennifer says she didn’t have a clear vision of what she was doing, and thinks that came through. Tom gives her kind of an out by saying she didn’t know much about Medieval cooking, but Nigella and Toby both call her out on the texture issues with the beef. Then Toby makes his most groanworthy comment of the season: “it was more Spamalot than Camelot.” Oh, Jesus. Just when I’d gotten to like Toby, the old trying too hard “weapons of mass destruction” version comes back.

Moving to Robin, she talks about her inspiration and the problems with her execution on the sugar. Nigella informs her that a panna cotta “when you put a spoon in it should have a quiver of a 17th century Courtesan’s inner thigh.” Ok, now I’m blushing. Robin can ALSO sue Bravo, Magical Elves, and Nigella for sexual harassment if she doesn’t win, which (spoiler alert!) she doesn’t. I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than Jay Rayner's panna cotta boob comment from Top Chef Masters. I mean, I guess it's classier. . .but it's also just awfully specific. Anyway Robin says she’s envious of and inspired by the other chefs’ tricks and knowledge.

Nigella tells Eli that there was too much clashing going on, and Tom tells him his “pink dome” tribute got lost and the textural issues with the soup ruined the dish. Eli says that he thought ‘conceptually I was pretty close to the mark,” and Tom cuts him off with “but the dish was a failure.” BOOM. I like Eli, usually, but after the crapfest of judging on Project Runway, it’s always nice to see Top Chef’s judging – there's very little nonsense, it still has teeth, and it’s also still concerned with giving legitimate criticism instead of picking on the people they don’t like and promoting the ones they like even when they do visibly lousy work.

Padma continues by telling him that she really didn’t like the flavors, and would never want to eat that again.

They send the chefs back to the stew room. Robin cries. Eli fidgets. Jen looks stoic.

Padma points out that all the dishes had major problems. Toby found Jennifer’s sauce disappointing, and Nigella says it was "almost hostile.” Tom points out that she’s really fallen in this competition after a strong start. In the stew, Jennifer says that she’s ready to go. Nooooo! Don’t give up, Jen!!!

Toby thinks Robin’s vision is her problem, and that she tries things that are technically beyond her. Padma adds that the flavor was nonexistent. In the stew, Robin says she doesn’t know how to play things safe and is trying to live up to the rest of them.

Nigella says that “Eli’s. . .wasn’t a dish, it was a fiasco,” and compares it to sawdust. Well . . .at least that’s appropriate for the Circus theme? Toby says it looked unappetizing, and Nigella says it took every ounce of her not inconsiderable breeding not to spit it back into the cup. Kevin reassures Eli that that’s a dish that you conceive and then you have to make and remake before you get it right. Commercial!

Back! Tom reminds them of what the challenge was, and how many challenges they’ve gone through, and how it’s time to separate those who are merely talented from the real Top Chefs.

He lets them know that Eli’s dish was only circuslike in that it was a mess; Jen had a boring dish and a story to match; and Robin’s dish didn’t show her inspiration at all.

Padma tells Robin to pack her knives and go. And a great sense of relief and happiness swept over the land; and there was much rejoicing in the Magical Mushroom Kingdom.

She interviews that she came really close, and is happy that she made it this far, and should have stuck to her guns and done her homestyle cooking instead of trying to impress people with shit she didn’t know how to do yet. Everyone hugs her and Jen walks her to the door with her arm around her. Because this is Robin, I’m not entirely clear about whether this is meant to comfort her or to make sure that she actually leaves.

Next: Chefs train for years for this, we’re doing it tomorrow! The food Kevin cooks is the food I cook on my day off! Thomas Keller!