Oh Hot Damn, This Is My Jam

Tomorrow, like a lot of Americans, I will promise to start off the New Year -- nay, the new decade -- by eating healthier, working out, and trying to lose the extra weight I've put on over the last two weeks of travelling around the country, eating authentic Sonoran style Mexican food, authentic Memphis Barbeque, authentic throwed rolls, authentic Steakburgers and seasonal specialty shakes, Christmas cookies, rum cake, party mix, bourbon fudge, and a lot of too much of everything at hotel breakfasts and airport food courts and office parties and nursing homes.

And, also like a lot of Americans, I will probably fall flat on my face with this promise.

But last night, I decided to give 2009 one last hurrah by cracking open one of my Christmas presents.

My parents love me.

It's Bacon Jam! Jam made from Bacon! Bacon you can spread with a knife! It's like they've found a way to make bacon EVEN EASIER to eat!!!

And it goes nicely with my plans for a Kevin-inspired "Pork is my Jam" tattoo.

And it scans nicely into a Flo-Rida parody:

Oh hot damn,
Bacon's my jam
Keep me partying to the a.m. . . .

It is not, however, aesthetically pleasing:

It looks goooooooood, right?

Yeah, I know. It looks like death vomit. Chunky, gelatinous, death vomit.

But here's the thing about jam: you don't need to look at jam when you eat it. Jam is best when it's in things like sandwiches, where its gelatinous. . .y. . .ness. . . .is concealed by bread and things.

For example, a grilled brie and bacon jam sandwich:

It is good. It is SO good. It has a delightful bacony/balsalmicy flavor. I plan on eating it on many, many different things in the New Year -- nay, the new decade.

Totally sensible and balanced things, of course. Like . ..celery. And Nutella.

Happy 2010, everyone.