Project Runway: Madea's Fabric Reunion

Little Anthony
Played by one Tyler Perry
Fades from the runway

I'm back, ladies and gents. And I'm full of things to tell you, and I'm . . .

. . .freaking exhausted.

So we'll space out the exciting information about foie on pecan sandies and beet free amuse bouches and various types of burgers and shakes over the rest of the week, and just focus on Project Runway for the moment.

Not that there's a whole lot to focus on, not really. I mean, for one thing, I don't feel like it was a terribly exciting episode. A fantastic idea for a challenge, yes, but other than Emilio being a douche and the judges being even bigger douches, not what I'd call full of excitement and dramatic tension and whatnot.

And for another thing, I'm sad about Tyler Perry as Anthony leaving, but I'm SO FURIOUS about Cerri leaving Models of the Runway that it's kind of clouding my vision on the main episode.

And for a third thing. . . .flights. Weddings. Foie. Sixty three kinds of Coca-Cola company beverages. I'm exhausted. So let's just get this ball rolling.

Morning! New York! Atlas apartments! Jonathan is still upset about losing his BFF Amy, and says that it’s game on from this point forward. Anthony says he’s closer to Bryant Park than most people expected him to get.

In the girls’ apartment, Maya is a little upset and jealous that Seth Aaron and Emilio won. She also frets a bit about there being only two girls, and the fact that she’s the youngest one left.

Runway! Heidi “HALLO”’s them and somberly says there are only seven of them left. For their next challenge, they’ll be taking their creativity to the next level, and it will involve more than just choosing their fabric.

Seth Aaron wonders “what does that mean? Are we gonna get a couple pocket elves to help us sew?” I would LOVE IT if they assigned Seth Aaron a couple of pocket elves for help with sewing. How cute would that be?

They head to the workroom where Tim is waiting for them with Vivienne Tam. Their challenge this week is to design and create their own textiles to serve as the core of their next outfit. They all clap excitedly.

Tim works in some product placement by telling them they’ll be using an HP Touch Smart All-in-One Desktop to design their textiles. Vivienne Tam pipes in “Working with HP, they make the computer more personal.”


I tried to capture Vivienne Tam’s accent they way I’ve done Fabio’s in the past, but I couldn’t do it. Maybe it can’t be transcribed, but it can be summed up in two words (and an ‘80’s memory conveyed via YouTube clip): Peaw Cweme.

They’ll have an hour to come up with their design, and their fabric will be delivered tomorrow morning. So this is a two day challenge. They’ll also go to Mood for supplementary fabrics.

Work flurry. They mostly talk in interviews about how they’ve never designed their own fabrics before. Anthony tells us “prints don’t work for Anthony.” Augh. You know what doesn’t work for Jordan, Anthony? You referring to yourself in the third person. Stop. Just Staaaaaaaaaaaaaahp.

Mila is trying to create something that emulates giant drips of paints. Jonathan is using a subtractive technique. Emilio is doing a graffiti print with his initials.

They do test prints of their textiles, and send them off to be manufactured. Then they head out to Mood with 20 minutes and $100 for supplementary fabrics. Fabric flurry! Seth Aaron is using yellow to create a “British take on pop punk.” Thank you, Mood!

Back at Parsons, they get down to work. Emilio is doing a three piece outfit because he feels the judges will want to see more work since they have more time. Mila drapes fabric over her head and acts like an asshole. Anthony critiques Mila’s fabric “I don’t want to wear Legos, I just want to play with them.”

Jonathan is a little worried that his print is so light he can’t even see it on the printed mock-up. Anthony is trying to do separates, and feeling a little iffy about it. Emilio is “fighting his viscera.” Commercial!

Back! Night time in New York! Three hours to end of day one! Emilio’s viscera tells him to abandon the blue leather bustier. My viscera often tells me to keep away from blue leather bustiers.

Anthony blames Beyonce for everything that goes wrong in his life. “It’s something about her songs that will make you think – first of all – that you are a size four, that you can conquer the world, and that I don’t know, that you are all powerful. Do you think Beyonce has a song for people who can’t find jobs, or that interview that you didn’t do so well in? Do she sing any songs about that?”

Jay thinks everyone loves Anthony, and thinks Anthony doesn’t even try to be funny. We then get to hear about Oprah and Anthony’s Uncle Leon’s porn addiction. It’s all a bit much. End of day one.

Back at the Atlas apartments, Seth Aaron calls his wife. DON’T DO IT, SETH AARON!!!!

Next day! Workroom! Their fabrics have been delivered. They literally – as Anthony points out – get to watch their creations unfold. Jonathan’s is a gorgeous white with grey-blue and brown spots that I instantly love and can tell is going to be way too subtle for the judges to appreciate. Emilio’s is this utterly naff graffiti print that looks like a rip-off of a rip-off of Keith Haring, where he’s written “esosa” repeatedly but with a little heart for the “o” in Sosa. Barf.

Tim thru! He starts with Mila’s, where she’s happy with the way things have turned out. Tim is skeptical about the length. He’s concerned about the proportions of Jonathan’s. He has a hard time reading Emilio’s, and sees it as “Seth Aaron/ Emilio Sosa.” Ha! He also tells Emilio that if you take the print away, it’s a very basic silhouette. Emilio says “You do not listen to Tim, whether he likes it or not.”

Me. Ow.

Anyway. Tim thinks that what Seth Aaron’s done is fantastic, and says that what he’s working with has to be just as good. He encourages Maya to unblock herself. He’s concerned that Anthony’s won’t be ambitious enough.

Model fitting! Jonathan is convinced he has a great look on his hands. Maya really wants to win a challenge. Emilio refers to Mila’s dress as a white teepee. Mila somehow thinks she’s taking a risk. Bah.

Five hours to end of day. Anthony is trying to figure out whether to keep going with the same bodice. Mila thinks Anthony’s taste is questionable. Mila seems to think everyone’s taste is questionable. Question yourself from time to time you hack. Commercial!

Back! Day of runway show! Atlas apartments. Maya is feeling exhausted this morning. Anthony tells Jay he looks like a gay Christmas ornament. They do their “leave as three, return as three” thing again. Oh, boys.

Workroom. Everyone’s doing little finishing things. Mila thinks she has a great chance of going to Bryant Park. Anthony says “Anthony has a lot on his plate this morning.” GARRRR.

Tim sends in their models for the usual product placement nonsense. Anthony doesn’t care for Jonathan’s look because “everything is pale as hell.” Jonathan thinks Mila is in trouble because it’s so stiff Brandeis can’t walk in it.

Ten minutes to runway! Maya loves the way her dress came out. Emilio says nothing in the room can top his outfit. Jonathan doesn’t want to go home. Time! Commercial!

Back! Heidi emerges wearing the curtains from Studio 54 as her maternity top, and reminds them of what the challenge was. The judges are Michael “Hey Guys” Kors, Nina “Hi everyone” Garcia, and Vivienne“Hiiiiii” Tam.
Show! Seth Aaron’s is a very fitted menswear inspired look with a pop art print jacket. Jonathan’s looks so lovely to me – the print is soft and beautiful, but the jacket is a conceptual mess. Maya’s is a black dress with her red print in panels up each side, and a ruffed color. It’s striking, but not original.

Emilio’s, similarly, is his print in a halter dress. Striking; not new. Mila’s is a long white column with some dripy stripes that makes her model walk like she’s wearing Vincent’s old trash dress from back in the day. Anthony’s is a black dress with purple accents. The shoulders are neat, but there’s some sort of tsuris in the back. Jay’s is mostly black but with a bodice and collar in his green print.

Jay is immediately told that he’s safe and can leave. So his design was dead center. The rest have the highest and lowest scores.

So beginning with Emilio, he explains that his influences were graffiti and ‘40’s French fashion. Heidi is in love with the whole outfit. Kors says he nailed it. He also says that the pattern is “abstract,” which really. . .I don’t think that word means what he think it means. Emilio’s pattern is his name. And a heart. There’s really nothing abstract about it. Vivienne Tam would love to wear it.

Moving to Mila, she says she wanted to create something “painterly.” Kors doesn’t find anything about the print intriguing, and calls it “a Mexican sarape/gay flag.”

Heidi says it’s definitely something you’ve seen in the ‘70’s before. Nina says it’s not much of a print, and Vivienne Tam adds that the print doesn’t go with the dress.

Anthony tells them he wanted to play with color and geometric shapes. Nina says that she doesn’t understand the shrug. Kors says it looks to normal, and Vivienne Tam thinks the sweetheart neck doesn’t go with the architectural print. Heidi wants to see something different from him.

Seth Aaron explains his pop-art inspiration. Heidi likes that he’s always true to himself. Kors says it’s impeccable and has personality. Nina thought his print was charming, and loved the jacket.

Maya says she wanted to create a textile with a lot of movement. Nina says she did a brilliant job with the print, but that there’s a lot going on. Kors says the coolest thing about the dress is its “weird juxtaposition” and says the model looks like a “romantic warrior.”

Jonathan tells them about his fabric and jacket. Kors says the jacket is “like a disco straight jacket” and doesn’t make sense, and then compares the print to a dirty tablecloth. Then they all laugh at Jonathan like a bunch of mean girls at the junior high lunch table.

Nina says it’s a full on catastrophe and that it makes her feel sad. Jonathan defends sad as an emotion, and stands by his print.

Deliberation. They start with Anthony, and Nina says there’s always an explanation or an excuse. Heidi thinks he does the same silhouette over and over again. Of Mila, Nina says she took the easy road, and Kors says the model looks like she was walking in a striped teepee. Then they laugh more about how offended Jonathan got, and Nina says the outfit was too conceptual and too weird.

What a bunch of tasteless bitches.

Moving on to the popular clique with the kids they want to like them, they begin with Seth Aaron. Kors says the look is unbelievably polished, and Nina says he’s full of ideas and true to himself. Heidi loves Emilio’s print and dress and would love to have it. Kors says the print could work in a variety of ways. Kors thought that Maya’s side silhouette was gorgeous, and Heidi and Michael think her print was the best print. Commercial!

Back! Emilio is the winner. He makes an excited noise that sounds kind of like gagging. I just straight out gag. He says this shows everyone he’s a force to be reckoned with.

Seth Aaron and Maya are allowed to leave the runway. Maya is frustrated.

Mila is in. So it’s down to Anthony and Jonathan.

Anthony made another simple cocktail dress with a safe print, and a bunch of excuses. Jonathan’s look was bizarre and sad, and a complete and utter misfire. I want to punch Heidi Klum in the face.

Anthony is out. But Heidi adds that they’ll miss him. He and Jonathan blow each other kisses as Jonathan’s allowed to leave. It’s pretty presh.

Anthony says life has taught us that you don’t have to have the crown to be the queen. He says he never thought he’d be in this place.

Tim hopes he’s as proud of his own achievements as Tim is, and tells him to think about his legacy, and being on the cover of Mary Clare.

Next! Desigining for a celebrity! And then my DVR cut out. I'm sure it's fascinating, though.