Project Runway: Congratumalations, Seth Aaron!

Hooray, Seth Aaron!
You have won Project Runway
Who didn’t guess that?

So let me just start by saying: I’m THRILLED Seth Aaron won. I really love the seasons where I agree with the decision BOTH in terms of aesthetic/skill level AND in terms of the winner being a really nice dude/chick. And I know it’s not “Project Nice Dude/Chick” (and if it were. . .I wouldn’t watch. Too boring), but it still feels nice to be unreservedly glad for someone without part of you thinking “yeah, those are great clothes. Ya dick.”

At the same time, let’s talk about the episode: Suckfest. I feel confident making this assertion now, having sat through two seasons worth of Lifetime’s hatchet work on this show. They seriously couldn’t edit their way out of a paper bag. This episode was low on content and super, SUPER high on close up shots of Garnier products, and Tim’s monologues about how they should use the Bluefly wall and enjoy their last night at the Westin. DUDE. I know you’ve got to pay the bills somehow, but Bravo used to manage this bullshit way more subtly.

Seriously, Lifetime. You make Bravo’s product placement look subtle. Bravo. Just kill yourselves.

And they managed to do absolutely nothing with the content they did have. Two designers were missing models thirty minutes prior to the show, and somehow this created zero dramatic tension.

I really hope that this is a side effect of the quick turn around on this season. I know they wanted to get the “bad taste” of Season 7 and the lawsuit out of our mouths by giving us a new season as soon as they could, but this was not the season to give us. Results? Fantastic. Clothes? Generally really good. Story? What? Was there a story? Oh, Tim and Emilio don’t like each other, and Tyler Perry as Anthony had some one liners.

You can’t make a season’s worth of story out of one liners, Lifetime. Take the time before Season 8 is scheduled to start airing, watch the Bravo seasons, and figure out what you’re doing wrong. Hell, watch the most recent season of Shear Genius – yeah, the one where the host can’t speak English and the winner was a stylist with urine colored hair and a personality that would make you pleased to hang out with Hitler – and figure out why that show manages to be more engaging than the crapfest you’re churning out.

So, two things before we jump into this. First, this post will only cover the finale show itself. I have the reunion on DVR, and will probably watch it this weekend and post on it early next week. I just had to get SOME sleep last night.

Second, my evening almost got derailed when I stopped to buy some wine on the way to dinner and saw this:

It’s the first issue of Semi-Homemade Magazine that won’t be delivered to my door, and it made me a little sad. Sandra is grilling, yo! My hand reached out to it, and I heard the gentle strains of “I’ll Stand By You” surging in my head. And then I punched myself in the face and reminded myself not to waste money.

Now. Let’s do this!

One day to the Runway show! Mila tells us she’s ready to go. Emilio says “this is the big one!” Wow, we’re off to such a trite and horrible start that I almost expect an ‘80’s style training montage to happen next. Ready to go! This is the big one! You’ve only got one shot! It’s the eye of the tiger! We’re gonna need a montage!

But instead, they just head to Parsons and make shitty comments about each others’ collections. Mila sees Seth Aaron’s collection as “glam Hot Topic.” Emilio thinks Mila’s is “beautifully made, but demure.” Ok, since when is demure a bad thing? And Mila says Emilio’s clothes look like they’re from “a boutique, in Harlem. . .in 19—“ (and then somehow I didn’t write down the exact year she gave. I think it was 91, but it may’ve been earlier. I can only guess that it was drowned out in the chorus of “DAY-UMMMMMM”s in the living room).

Tim enters and reviews each of their collections. He’s staggered that Seth Aaron has managed to make 24 looks rather than just the requisite 10.

Moving to Emilio, he asks “Haven’t we seen this before?” Emilio takes this in stride, having realized that there’s often a disconnect between Tim’s opinion of things and the judges. This is both the wisest and most measured thing Emilio has said about Tim in several episodes.

To Mila, he merely reiterates the judges’ comments about the styling, and warns her to roughen it up. This is because everyone knows she doesn’t have a prayer against Seth Aaron and Emilio. Why should he bother wasting his valuable words of Tim Gunnly wisdom on her?

Then he tells them all to use the Bluefly Wall thoughtfully, and enjoy their last night at the Westin, and to take the Tylenol Rapid Release if they get stress headaches, or maybe pour themselves a nice glass of Yellow Tail Pinot Noir, and think about a relaxing bath with a full bottle of Calagon suds, and to make sure to eat a balanced breakfast, including Cheerios, a Thomas’s English Muffin, and Minute Maid Orange Juice before they head for the Tents in their Lexuses tomorrow.

Or at least half of that anyway. And he gives them their group hug. It’s nice to see him giving them a group hug again – I feel like we didn’t get that last season.

The designers head off to model casting, and watch several quite thin girls parade before themselves. I take this opportunity to eat another piece of chocolate peanut butter gooey cake.

And then they have their L’Oreal consultations with Collier Strong. This is like one fucking endless commercial.

The Models arrive for their fittings. Kristina thinks Seth Aaron is a genius. Emilio is condensing work with a very short amount of time.

And then they have their Garnier consult. Sweet merciful Jesus. Commercial.

Back! Westin! Day of show at 2:40 in the morning. We see Seth Aaron waking up, and learn that he apparently sleeps in his skinny jeans. Mila can’t wait to get going. They say goodbye to the Westin, and head for the tents.

On arrival at the tents, Seth Aaron says “now it’s sinking in.” He then flops down on the runway and makes “runway angels.” It’s adorable. If you didn’t know he was going to win before the episode started, this would be a dead giveaway.

Backstage! Fashion flurry! Clothes are being steamed. 3 of Mila’s models and one of Emilio’s models are missing. I can only assume this will be used to create tension and drama! Commercial!

Back! 30 minutes to runway! The models are still missing! Oh noes! Tim. . . pulls the alternates.

And that’s it. That’s the whole “ack! Missing models! Stress!” sequence. It is EMBARRASSING that Lifetime couldn’t make more out of that. Someone should be fucking fired.


Outside in the audience, the ousted contestants arrive. The judges take to the runway. Heidi, in some sort of weird dress with a pattern that I think is meant to evoke Navajo rugs, but fails, introduces the judges – Nina, Kors, and Faith Hill.

Let’s start the show! Seth Aaron’s models walk first. His collection is inspired by 1940’s German and Russian Military Uniforms. That’s. . .cheery. I wonder if his Spring line will be called “Springtime for Hitler.” But anyway, his clothes are:

1. A very 40’s looking bright red wool dress with patterned tights.
2. A structured houndstooth pants suit with very Joan Crawford shoulders on the jacket
3. A floaty houndstooth tunic

4. A black and white checked dress that just makes me think “fifties picnic,” but in an awesome way. I love the shape of this dress, and the checked pattern makes it very retro, but the strong visual you get from the black and white keeps it from being complete ‘50’s drag.
5. A dress that looks like black laquer

6. A very fitted yellow plaid suit. This is not only my favorite of his looks; it’s probably my favorite single look of any collection since Laura’s. When I was a wee young thing, I had the Tom Tierney Coco Chanel paper dolls, and one of the early looks was a suit that looked very much like this, except in a soft pink, and with an ankle length hobble skirt. This suit, to me, is the perfect example of what retro should be – referential of earlier things; immediately calling classic looks to mind; but not a rip off.
7. The same yellow plaid in pants with a black coat.
8. A grey dress
9. A grey coat dress
10. A purple dress with tiers.

Next up is Mila, who tells us once again that her collection is inspired by shadows. She thanks her parents and her young (looking?) boyfriend. Her looks are:

1. A grey coat dress
2. A grey coat with a houndstooth dress under it.

3. The striped dress I’ve been in love with since Tim’s home visits. Seth Aaron’s yellow suit is my favorite outfit to look at, but this dress is the one I would buy and wear the hell out of.
4. White pants with a nicely structured black coat
5. A grey coat dress with what looks to be a removable knit cowl.
6. A black top and skirt.
7. A striped top with tragic black bike pants. Please go to mylifetime.com and look for the picture of this outfit. It’s proof positive that no one, not even a model, looks good in bike pants (in fact, I kind of think the model with her skinny legs looks even worse in bike pants than most people)
8. A neat graphic top with leggings
9. A hideous purple striped dress
10. The awesome “fish eye” cocktail dress we saw as part of her mini-collection last week.

And then there’s Maude. Or Emilio. His collection is called “Color Me Bad.” We predictably react to this by immediately breaking into a chorus of “ooooOOOOoooooOOOOoooo! I wanna sex you up! (tick tock, ya don’t stop!),” complete with choreography. It was pretty awesome. Anyway. Emilio was inspired by his mom and aunts. His looks are

1. A pea green coat with one of his “esosa” print dresses underneath. I have mixed feelings about this look – I don’t like the coat OR the dress alone (I think the dress is horribly ugly, in fact), but I like the combo of them together. It makes a very strong graphic impression.
2. A red dress with a very ‘40’s silhouette.
3. A blue coat with black pants
4. A red coat with turquoise accents and an “esosa” dress
5. A green and black ‘40’s silhouette skirt suit with kicking red gloves.
6. A turquoise turtleneck dress.
7. A red top and black skirt
8. A black pantsuit with an “esosa” blouse
9. A tacky ass miniskirt with pockets – who in fuck puts pockets on a skirt that gynecologicaly short? – with a black coat
10. An ugly gold dress that one of my friends automatically dubs “Bed, Bath, and Beyonce.” It's so tacky, and so nouveau, and so incongruous with most of the rest of his collection.

Now comes the part where they get the opinions of the famous and semi famous in the audience. Joanna Coles liked Mila’s dress. Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker likes Seth Aaron. Anthony and Raven Symone like Emilio. Howard Stern’s wife likes Seth Aaron. Irina likes Mila.

Commercial! We take our heavily scientific poll of who will win and who should win. All ten of us think that Seth Aaron is going to win, but only five of us think he should win. The other five vote for Mila.

Back! Parsons! Heidi congratulates them all on an amazing show, and Faith Hill says she was very impressed. This, by the way, is the closest thing to a substantive comment that Faith Hill will contribute. Why is she here again? Why do they keep having such useless guest judges? Bring back the crazy haired British lady from last season.

Anyway, Nina says they were all consistent throughout the season, and Kors was blown away.


They start their critique with Seth Aaron. Kors tells him he knows how to craft clothes beautifully, and put on a powerful show filled with clothes people would wear. Nina tells him she loved the Parachute dress, and Faith Hill agrees that she “would wear it in a heartbeat.” Nina glares at her for continuing the pattern of critiques on this show that don’t actually say anything, and continues that there was a bit of a heavy hand in some outfits. Heidi is unsure about the purple. Oh, crap, I agree with Heidi.


Moving to Emilio, Heidi asks him “why color me bad?” This prompts another impromptu jam session from us, so we don’t hear his answer.

Anyway, Faith Hill says she was just knocked out by the coats, and likes the sleeve length. Then they all “oooOOOOoooooOOOo” over the “esosa” print. (They don’t, however, mention wanting to sex him up)

Kors tells him his collection was the most commercial, but he loves the least commercial look in the bunch – that ugly ass Beyonce dress. Nina says it was an extremely sophisticated collection, but a little heavy on suiting.

Finally, we move to Mila. Heidi says she really liked the show. Nina punches her for offering such insubstantial commentary.

Kors tells her “you killed the girl in the cage doing the frug,” and “whenever you played with shine, it really turned me on.” And Nina assures her “when you loosen up, it becomes a lot cooler.

They send the designers away so they can “deliberate.” And by “deliberate,” I mean “say completely insubstantial things about how all three should be proud of themselves before crowning the obvious, Lifetime endorsed victor.”

Heidi says she likes all 3, and Kors says all 3 should feel a real sense of accomplishment and pride. Jesus, what’s next. “The designers also all interact well with their peers, although Mila only gets a ‘Satisfactory’ in citizenship.”

Nina then says that Mila’s was the culmination of what she’s been saying all season, and not surprising. Heidi was similarly unsurprised by Seth Aaron. Kors WAS surprised by his level of sophistication, and thinks that it was polished and expensive looking, but still had his flavor. Nina says that Seth Aaron has guts and is fearless.

Faith Hill continues to be knocked out by Emilio and his ugly ass Beyonce gown. Kors says that he went the opposite route by going more commercial with his collection. He also says it was “a line; not a collection” and wants to know where the drama was.

Then Heidi asks whether they should consider today only, or the whole season. They never seem to arrive at an answer to this. Commercial.

Back. Heidi tells them there will be only one winner. Seth Aaron maintained his signature style and took it to the next level. Emilio showed taste and craftsmanship, and has always impressed them. They think his point of view has a real place in fashion. Mila took her ‘60’s aesthetic and put a unique spin on it.

However, she’s out. Mila leaves the stage, saying she thinks she showed it’s never too late to follow your dreams. Her mom tells her “you’re still a winner.” Aw. Inaccurate, but sweet.

So it’s down to Seth Aaron and Emilio. Heidi tells them they’re both deserving, but only one can win. And it’s .. .

Oh, come on. You don’t even get a drumroll there. It’s Seth Aaron. Duh.

Emilio looks wrecked. He tells us “in the words of our wisest contestant Anthony Williams, you don’t have to have the crown to be the king.” Um, I think Anthony said queen, but whatever. Emilio then cries. A lot. It’s kind of sad, if he wasn’t such a dick.

Seth Aaron’s model and family come out. He tells us that “love for what you do pays off.” Everyone hugs, and one of my friends remarks “well, that’s 14 Thursdays I’ll never get back.”

So that's it, my loves and crazy Ohioan stalkers. It's been real! See you for Season 8, I think. Maybe.