Top Chef, Masters: Oh Yes, It's Ladies' Night. . .

For his grilled pizza
Hey! Tony Mantuano’s
Tailgate will swing shut

I am filled with a deep murderous rage today, darlings. Not because Tony got offed – and was that the most obvious edit ever or what? “Hey, suddenly I’m kind of a prick after saying nothing for 3 weeks! Oops!” –but because the Bravo interns have put up NOTHING from last night’s episode. No food pictures. No food descriptions. No episode stills. NOTHING.

Which means I’ve had to do ALL THE FREAKING WORK MYSELF: rewatching the parts of the episode where they described the dishes; watching all of Bravo’s stupid videos to make stills; surfing around the interwebs until I finally – FINALLY – found some pictures from the tailgate event.

Auch. And all of this means I haven’t had breakfast yet and I’m cranky and I have to get this done ASAP or I’m going to be late for work.

So anyway: I'm EXTREMELY excited for Susan being the first chef to sweep an episode. She's a little dynamo, and one of my absolute favorites. As to the rest of it: Tony blah blah blah. Leaving blah blah blah. Kind of a dick blah blah blah. Let’s get to the episode.

Los Angeles! Top Chef Masters Kitchen! The six remaining masters enter and head for their work stations. Susan is bummed not to have Jody there anymore now that “it’s just me and the guys.”

K-Choi welcomes them back and tells them they’ll get to prove “who has a leg up on the competition” because they’ll be cooking leg proteins. Their judges are Jason Lezak, who swam the last leg of the Gold-medal winning Men’s Olympic relay race and Jay Rayner. They’ll have 45 minutes to cook and all their proteins are in the fridge. Time starts. . .NOW!

There’s a huge free-for-all at the freezers. Rick goes straight for the octopus even though there’s not enough time to cook them traditionally.

We see Susur’s mad ninja knife skillz with some Kill Bill style music in the background. He tells us “the Top Chef Mastah, it is no different than Olympic gold medalist, an’ you have to be very focus to say no mattah what, I’m just going to go for the gold. Is like a sport. I want to win all the day.”

Jonathan is making pasta because swimmers eat carbs like they’re going out of style, and crabs’ legs because they’re a water creature, like swimmers. Marcus talks about his restaurant and Rick’s being neighbors in NYC. He’s doing frog legs. Susan says her philosophy is “to figure out what do I love that could fit into the challenge.” Good strategy—it keeps you from overthinking the challenges, and means you’re always doing something in your wheelhouse. Jonathan teases her about putting curry in everything.

Susur says he hasn’t won a quickfire so far, and he wants to change that. He talks about how he quit school when he was 16 and went to work with his brother in a restaurant. “And I love the kitchen; chef would be smoking, yelling and swearing, and is exactly what I want.”

Seriously, that’s what I need in a career. Maybe not the smoking, but the opportunity for yelling and swearing sounds really great.

Tony feels like Susur is infringing on his table again even though he has two others. Oh, suck it up, Tony -- all of your tables are belong to Susur. Tony is also doing crabs’ legs. Rick crosses himself for luck before pulling something out of the blast freezer. His octopus tastes good, but it’s a bit of a chew. Two minutes! Tony plates. Susan feels confident in the flavors, but worries about the presentation. Time!

K-Choi asks Lezak some inane question about the Olympics, and then they’re served
Tony’s Warm Crab and Potato Salad With 3 Types of Corriander. Rayner gets a little bit of cartilage and feels like it’s an underdressed salad. Lezak thinks it’s great.

Susur’s Indochine Roasted Leg Of Lamb with Lamb Meatballs, Pine Nuts and Dried Cherry Sauceis next. NOM. Lezak likes the appearance and think the dish is good. Rayner describes the meatballs as “cute” which Susur doesn’t like -- his cooking is not "cute." It's "serious." I'd like everyone to now scroll down to Susur's Margyoo dish from last week to see how serious he is.

Next they get Susan’s Cumin-Cilantro Chicken, Pickeled Tomatoes, Quinoa and Raisin Pilaf. Rayner says she’s “hiding their legs under a bushel” referring to the haphazard plating. Lezak says the taste is good and Rayner likes the coating.

Jonathan’s Cappelini with King Crab Leg, Jalapeno and Mint is next. Rayner wants more crab. Jonathan says Jay seems grumpy. Lezak says it would be a good meal for an athlete and he likes the taste of the pasta. Rayner gives him a pissy look for disagreeing.

Then we get Marcus’ Confit of Frog Legs with Curry Broth and Crab Rice. It’s too rich for Lezak. Rayner says there are “big bold flavors” and it’s a complicated plate.

Finally we have Rick’s Egg in a Hole with Roasted Octopus Leg and Bernaise Sauce. Rayner says “Octopus legs are an unforgiving ingredient” as he maws at the chewy octopus. Jonathan advises Rick “you know what they say in Italy, you take a live octopus and throw it right in the freezer. Susur adds “you put in the washing machine is also-“ and they all crack up.
Lezak and Rayner rate the dishes. Commercial!

Back! K-Choi gives them their scores. Tony earns 3.5 stars. He thinks that sucks. Rick gets 3. Ouch, low scores tonight. Jonathan earns 3.5, and quips “our legs weren’t as good as Kelly’s today.” Hee. This is one of the reasons he’s awesome. Marcus gets 3. Susan says she’s nervous because the scores are so low. And she gets. . .4.5! WOW! The lady takes the lead! And last is Susur. Who gets. . .4! Susan wins and gets $5000 for her charity. She’s very excited to win for the Scleroderma Research Foundation.


Elimination Challenge! K-Choi blathers about football and tradition. . .but you know the drill. They’re tailgating, just like the cheftestants did for the Bears game in Season 4 of normal Top Chef where Dale won.

Susur tells us “I don’t know what da hell is going on. I never been tailgating; I never been to a live football game.”

They’ll be cooking for 100 USC fans. . .using two Weber kettle grills as their equipment. Jonathan is psyched because when his restaurant opened, the grills weren’t installed on time so he did the cooking on a couple of Weber grills. Susan gets to wear USC gear since she won the challenge. Um, lame -- this is possibly the worst "advantage" ever. The chefs will have 1.5 hours that dayto prep and 2 hours to prep and cook at the Coliseum the next day.

They head off to go shopping. Rick is excited to grill. They have 45 minutes and a $500 budget. Marcus gets to the meat counter before everyone and claims all of Rick’s ingredients. Rick wonders if he heard about his plans. Marcus says Rick is “Mr. Tailgate” and “any advantage you can get, you want to.” Hm, so does that mean he did hear about his plans, or do the editing monkeys just want us to think that?

Tony is thinking about grilling pizza. For 100? Yipes. I love a grilled pizza, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a bit precarious and labor intensive to do for that big a crowd. Susan is doing tacos. Jonathan is also doing tacos holding – his plans are for steak and guacamole.

They reach checkout. In a scene to further establish Tony’s dislike of Susur, Susur tells Tony “I think you would be perfect in a show for Sopranos. Soprano chefs. You would have big cooler in the back.” Susur cracks up and Tony says “that’s sort of an insult.” Tony then interviews “Susur annoys me at times, it’s sort of like ‘thank you for the stereotype'.”

UGH. Can I just tell you…the only thing worse than Italian-Americans – particularly wildly successful Italian Americans – complaining about the harmful stereotyping of the Sopranos is Irish-Americans who defend their ability to act the drunk fool on St. Patrick’s Day as a celebration of their heritage, and a right they earned because they were so oppressed when they came to this country.

It’s 2010. You’re white. You are not a victim of history (yet). Get over it.

Back to the kitchen where they have an hour and a half to prep. Jonathan is making a “free form taco” which sounds delicious. Susur is trying to make something a little different. Tony laughs that Susur has “not a clue” about tailgating, and he’s looking forward to beating him. Pbbblllt. I’m disliking Tony more and more with every second of this episode. Which, I'm pretty sure is exactly what the professors are shooting for.

Rick interviews that Marcus is always thinking about how to get a leg up. Well, duh, Rick. It’s a competition. If you’re not always thinking about how to get an advantage, you’re doing it wrong. Anyway, Marcus is making “a really nice stew.” And a burger. I don’t know if stew counts as a leg up, really. In terms of a tailgating challenge, at least, it seems like kind of a dumb idea. Five minutes!

Packaging flurry! Time! Susur pantomimes that he needs an oxygen mask from all the
running around. Marcus feels like he’s taking a lot of risk. Rick says he’s got a lot to do the next day. Commercial.

Back! In the car, Susur and Marcus talk about how it’s their first time tailgating. Susur looks out at the parking lot with the grills set up and says “there are other chefs here too today,” and has to have tailgating explained to him. “Oh, so you get fed before you go to a game. Now I kind of get this.”

2 hours! Rick says that grilling is the way he grew up “it was a beer, the Mets game, and charrin’ the heck out of something in the back yard.”

Susan feels like her USC gear is giving her a real advantage. We then see FREAKING ADORABLE pictures of Susan being a cheerleader in the ‘60’s. Jonathan makes the mistake of admitting his wife is a Stanford alumna, and gets booed by the crowds.

1 hour and 13 minutes. Susur has made cauliflower wrapped in bacon. Nom. Rick bitches that Susur has made his grill into a flattop, and has no idea what tailgating is. Marcus says he always has a plan A, B, and C. Rick says Marcus’ stumbling point is having too many elements on a plate.

Jonathan says that Susan’s tacos might be a bit more authentic, but he’s not worried about it. Susan interviews that she’s been working on a Border Grill Taco truck.

10 minutes. Marcus realizes it’s impossible to do the shrimp skewers he’d planned on, so throws the shrimp into the stew. Rick thinks Jonathan’s meat needs salt, and that doing a taco when Susan is one of your competitors isn’t the best idea.

Time! The tailgaters converge and get their food. The critics start with Jonathan’s New York Steak Tacos with Grilled Vegetables and Bordelaise Sauce. Oseland says it’s undone by the “stale piece of tortilla” but Gael Greene’s Hat likes the side dish.

Next they get Rick’s Chermoula Grilled Chicken with Baba Ganoush and Spicy Slaw on Pita Bread. Oseland says “as ugly as this dish is, it tastes fabulous.”

K-Choi asks Marcus if it’s his first time at a tailgate. It is. He’s made Grilled Chicken and Shrimp Stew with Vegetable Couscous and a Burger. Oseland isn’t sure what the dish is, but it tastes good.

Then they head to Susur’s station for Korean Style Skirt Steak with Roasted Cauliflower and Austrian Dumplings. Kelly asks him if this is his first time tailgating, and he replies yes "I never been to a live baseball -- I mean football game before."

Oseland points out that they’re not very traditional tailgating foods, and Rayner replies “but oh, that beef.”

Tony serves the judges Grilled Pizza with Mozzarella, Tomato, Romano, Arugula and Prosciutto. Oseland says it tastes terrific but the dough is overcooked.

Finally we hit Susan’s stand where she feeds them Skirt Steak Tacos with Black Bean and Corn Salsa and Roasted Pepper Salsas. Oseland says “I’m feeling more like a manly American by the minute” and Rayner adds “any plate of food that can do that to you is a miracle.” HEE.

The diners rate the food. Susan worries that her food will have been too basic for the judges. Commercial.

Oh, a Top Chef DC commercial. Which they filmed three floors down from my office. Did I see them? Oh no. But I got to smell the delicious food and know that they were there. Because God likes teasing me, the way he teased Moses in the desert.

Fake back! Jonathan interviews that Susan is one of the funniest chefs he knows. Tony says working with her was one of the highlights of his career. Susur says she’s a firecracker. Rick says he respects and fears her. Yay Susan! This is so totally her episode.

Back! Susur thinks he’s going home because tailgating is so American.

Critics Table! Oseland says he’s now a believer in tailgating. K-Choi begins the questions with Jonathan. Gael Greene’s Hat loved the guac and the steak, but Oseland found the tortilla tough and cold, and felt that the steak could’ve been more thinly sliced. Jonathan says “I disagree with you. You’re wrong.” Gael Greene’s Hat pipes up, saying “it’s the perfect slice.” Gael Greene's Hat is always going to be Jonathan's biggest defender. When he gets eliminated, it'll probably be during a week that Gail Simmons' Boobs are in charge instead.

Susan is next. Rayner says it was big on flavor, and Gael Greene’s Hat loved “the afterkick in my mouth.” Afterkick? For realsies? I’m going to start using that.

Rayner tells Tony that the pizza was flavorful when he got all the ingredients in the right place, but Oseland says the crust was “dry and tough.”

Susur admits he didn’t get the concept of the tailgate party. Rayner adored the beef, but wasn’t a fan of the dumpling.

Rayner loved Marcus’ stew, but found the burger a bit dry. Oseland liked the burger, and thought it was a tasty, juicy mouthful.

Gael Greene’s Hat found Rick’s baba ganoush and slaw “so fabulous” but Oseland would’ve liked to see them stuffed inside the pita.

K-Choi sends the chefs back to the kitchen. The chefs drink. You know les drill.

Gael Greene’s Hat thinks Susur’s beef was brilliant, but Oseland thought his dumpling was “from outer space.” Rayner liked Marcus’ stew, but didn’t get the point of the burger. Oseland loved the burger.

Oseland thinks Jonathan’s brilliance wasn’t in evidence today, but Rayner says that “flavorwise,” he delivered. Gael Greene’s Hat says Susan was in her element, and Rayner says there were so many flavors he didn’t get any of the steak. Rayner thought Tony’s pizza was flavorful, but Gael Greene’s Hat thought the crust undid him. Oseland says that Rick’s dish had a bit of ADD but tasted really good.

Jonathan is resigned to the fact that he’s going to be in the bottom. K-Choi calls back Susur, Marcus, and Susan.


They’re clearly the top 3. One of them will win 10,000. Beginning with Marcus, Gael Greene’s Hat gives him 4 stars; Rayner 3.5; Oseland 3 and the diners 4. His total is 14.5. Next is Susur, who gets 4 stars from Rayner; 3.5 from Oseland; 3.5 from Gael Greene’s Hat; and 4 from the diners. His total is 15 stars, and he’s now in the lead. Finally, Susan gets a 4 from Oseland; a 4 from Gael Greene’s Hat; a 4 from Rayner; and a 4 from the diners. Her total is 16 stars. So she wins! Yay! It’s so totally her night, and she’s won the most money of anyone so far $32,500. Susur does the “cha-ching, cha-ching” arm move at her and then adds “lots of cha-chings, huh?”

They head back to the kitchen and the other 3 chefs go back to the table to take their drubbing. One of them will be going home. Commercial!

Back! K-Choi tells them they have the lowest scores. Beginning with Rick, he gets 3 stars from Oseland; 4 from Gael Greene’s Hat; 3 from Rayner; 3.5 from the diners. His total is 13.5. Wow, there’s not a whole lot of room between the top of the bottom and the bottom of the top, huh? See, this is why I wanted to know the other members of the top group’s scores last week.

Next, Jonathan gets 2.5 stars from Gael Greene’s Hat. Gasp. Then he gets 3 from Rayner; 2 from Oseland (GASP); and 3 from the diners. His total is 10.5. Oh no. So Rick gets to return to the kitchen.

Finally, we turn to Tony. He gets 2.5 stars from Rayner; 2.5 from Oseland; 2.5 from Gael Greene’s Hat. There’s a dramatic pause while K-Choi intones something about how they all know that sometimes the diners’ opinions are very different from the judges. And the diners have given Tony. . .

. . .2.5 stars. WAH-wah. And PHEW. Jonathan is safe; Tony is going home, which most of us probably figured him out from the way the editing made him look like a massive crankypants.


Tony is pretty bummed. He says his confidence was the highest it’s been, and he’s sad to go. Susur calls him his lucky charm, and hugs him, and Susan says “my partner.” Tony says he’s made some great friends.

Next! Ahh! Down to the wire! General panic! Rick is here to bug you! A little business to take care of! This sucks! If you don’t like it, you can go to hell!