Project Runway: Home Visits and Italian Opera Freakouts

Michael Costello
Poor sad friendless little elf
His is a rough road.

As they were going into the final commercial break last night, my friends were taking bets on who would be out. Mostly it was who they wanted out – Gretchen, and her off the rack hippie crap – or Andy, who sent a bikini with a hanky on it down the runway.

But I shook my head and said “it’s Michael.” Not because of his designs, and not because of anything the judges said, but because the whole story that this season has been telling is the story that ends with Michael C. leaving right before fashion week.

So it was pretty obvious, and after hearing his stories throughout the website, pretty sad. And his reaction was intense. I am just Italian enough to understand it completely, and just WASPy enough for it to make me totally uncomfortable. But I wish Michael the best – it sounds like he’s got some stuff to work through, but it brings his ability to deal with the Ivys and Gretchens of the world into perspective – no matter what kind of assholes they were, it was only for a few weeks, and it just doesn’t even begin to measure up to what it sounds like he’s been through with his family.

Anyway. Beyond that, I don’t have much to say about this episode (she said, despite the 6 pages of typed evidence to the contrary staring her in the face). It seemed kind of underwhelming for a family visit episode, and plus I had the royal shitstorm from hell to deal with at work yesterday. So let’s just do this thing.

New York! Indeterminate time of day! Parsons! Our four remaining designers are sitting in the runway area. Heidi congratulates them and tells them that while they’ll each be designing a collection, only 3 of them will show at Fashion Week. Now they’re being sent home to work – they’ll have 6 weeks and $9000 to make a 10 piece collection.

Tim enters and says his usual piece about being proud of them, and how he’ll visit them all soon. And then there’s a montage of everyone packing up and talking about their dreams and talent and it’s all just very exactly as you’d expect.

Fast forward to. . . Hawaii! One month later. Tim arrives at Andy’s family’s place, and, leaving his tasteful shoes on the porch, pulls on some waders to be shown around the property. Apparently Andy’s family owns some sort of gigantic cat fish plantation. Who knew? Tim is introduced to the catfish, which Andy says look like “Chinese men.” “I’ve never seen a Chinese man look that unattractive,” Tim says.

They then sit down to a lovely al fresco lunch with Andy’s mom and his friend Jill. In voiceovers and interviews, Andy cries about the struggle that’s led him to this point. Then he hacks open some coconuts so they can have the water with their lunch.

Andy shows Tim his inspiration wall – it’s pretty awesome, and I think the only inspiration wall in Project Runway history to include a picture of the designer’s grandfather on an elephant. Andy’s inspiration is his Laotian heritage, and a lot of his fabric has been hand woven in Laos.

Tim looks over Andy’s sketches because due to the wait for the fabrics, he doesn’t have a whole lot done. Tim gives him some advice, and leaves.

And then we find ourselves in.. . .Palm Springs! 12 days to fashion week. Michael and his partner Richard are deciding how to pack the shoes and accessories. Tim arrives and gasps about how hot it is outside.

They look in on Michael’s collection, which is inspired by feathers and the California sky. We see a pretty but derivative looking dress with a feather skirt, and an interesting fringe top. He’s apparently made 18 looks so far. Tim tells him “it’s like design diarrhea,” and cautions him to stop designing and edit.

They go back to the kitchenette where they’re joined by Michael’s friend Frank and Art, and his son, who’s name we finally learn is not “son” but Giovanni. They talk about who’ll be going to Fashion Week to support Michael. Giovanni won’t be going because he’ll be in school and staying with Michael’s mom.

Richard then tells us he thinks it’s good that Michael’s parents won’t be able to be there, because they haven’t been supportive of him until he was on the show. It gets pretty dramatic. Michael’s trying to say that they’ve tried to be supportive, but only if he lived on their terms, and Richard just goes on and on about how they’re always telling Michael that it’s only a dream and he has no talent. And yikes – apparently Richard outed Michael to his family on February 28, 2007 (my 30th birthday – holla!). Between that and his tendency to air the filthy delicates on national television, I don’t know how I feel about this Richard character.

We go to commercial, and everyone I’m watching with feels the awkwardness of the scene we just saw on TV.

Back! 10 days before Fashion Week. Tim is in Denver to see Mondo. He walks pack what looks like a junkyard dog to Mondo’s house, which has an amazing pink living room. It’s a really cute looking little casita – it kind of makes me miss the ramshackle little adobe place I lived in my senior year in college.

They look at Mondo’s collection. His influences are vintage circuses and the dia de los muertos. It’s a very cool, very Mondo kind of inspiration, and it’s resulted in a graphic black and white collection with a pink jersey thing that Tim thinks is jejune.

We then go to dinner on the patio with Mondo’s parents, sister, and boyfriend Ben. Mondo’s mom Geri talks about how she tried to get him to be more macho as a kid, and his dad says something about “to each his own.” We learn that they blackmailed Mondo into playing baseball as a kid by telling him he could take piano lessons If he did. He plays the piano for Tim, and gives some voiceovers about his experiences growing up. Maybe I cry a bit.

After Denver, Tim’s final stop is Portland, Oregon. Gretchen and her mom are packing up the house to move. Apparently she came back from New York to a relationship that was falling apart and an empty bank account. She gives Tim a sob story about everything crumbling around her, and then he talks about how when his very intense relationship failed, everything falling apart is what gave him the opportunity to move to New York and really start his life.

They see Gretchen’s collection, which is inspired by the West Coast and cultures around the world. Apparently the result of this inspiration is clothes that look like cheap knockoffs of the shit they sell at Chico’s.

I hate Chico’s. I can’t even begin to explain why or how much, but every time I see a woman wearing one of their stupid “ethnic print” jersey dresses paired with one of their giant blazers and their “fun” chunky jewelry, I want to punch her in the face.

Anyway. My Chico’s related angst over. . .Gretchen and her mom and Tim have champagne brunch in the garden. Gretchen talks about how she’s been humbled by the experience, and gives us an ugly, smugly smile.

Commercial.

Back. And we’re back in New York, where it’s Fashion Week! We get a loving, product placement shot of the Hilton. Mondo enters the suite and selects the big room for himself. Then he hides behind the bed and pops out when Michael C. arrives. They hug. Andy comes next – he has some mad long extensions. They pretend to be happy to see Gretchen, who tells us “I just miss everybody! They’re my boys!” It’s almost like she thinks we haven’t seen her bitching and sniping about them for the last three months.

Tim enters the suite to welcome them. They’re happy to see him, but not happy that he’s wielding the famous Project Runway black velvet bag. Mondo tells us that the bag is “always going to be evil, no matter what it is.”

But it’s not evil – it’s a selection of Hilton sponsored vacations to exotic locales! Yay! But what a let down – I was counting on the bag’s usual powers of evil to work themselves.

Next Day! They enter the Piperlime Workspace at the 1407 Broadway Building. Andy has a lot on his mind. Michael is trying to figure out what he needs to do to make his collection cohesive.

Tim enters. He tells them that for their final challenge, they’ll be presenting 3 looks to the judges. Two will be from their collection, and the third must be a look that they make in the next two days. They have 30 minutes to sketch, and then they’ll head to Mood to shop with a $300 budget.

Sketch time. Gretchen plans to make a “more casual” dress. More casual than the line of Chico’s knockoffs she’s produced? Unless it’s made of burlap or sweatshirt material, I don’t know if that’s possible. Andy wants something that’ll be wow. Mondo can’t think of what else to show.

They head out for their sadly Swatchless Mood trip. Michael C. is making a one shouldered dress. Mondo doesn’t know what other silhouettes to do with his collection. Thank you, Mood!

Back to the workroom where they all sew frantically. Mondo hates the dress he’s made. So do I, actually. It looks like a Barbie dress, but not one of the one that comes with the doll – one of the ones from the cheap packets. He feels like this is the end. Commercial.

Back! Workroom! Next day! We get a lingering shot of Mondo’s unwieldy pit hair.

Tim thru! Michael C. hasn’t 100% decided which looks from his collection to show. Tim is worried about him. Michael is worried too, but says it’ll come together.

Tim feels good about Gretchen’s dress, which is, as I predicted, apparently made out of army green burlap sacking. It’s a Chico’s kind of day in Gretchen’s world.

Mondo is surrounded by flotsam and jetsam. He’s made a new dress, though, which Tim loves. I love it too – slap a big belt on that thing and I would wear it to work any day of the week.

Andy has made this insane pleated dress that I really like. Tim thinks he’s in good shape.

Tim tells Mondo, Gretchen, and Andy to “carry on,” and Michael C. “don’t choke.”
Michael is stressed out “ a lot” by Tim’s comments. Mondo tries to reassure him.

Day of Runway show! Gretchen is dressed in some stupid Sluttajawea outfit – it’s like an obscenely short copper colored crushed velvet tunic with way too much turquoise jewelry, and the world’s most unfortunate tights. They fall into every category of tights that I hate – first, in that she’s really wearing them in a situation where her dress is so short it’s a shirt, so she should really be wearing pants or leggings. She’s not. They’re tights. Second, they’re the worst color ever – they’re bordering on a color that could be a “flesh” color, but they’re not her flesh color. So you have a minute of going back and forth thinking “is she bare legged with that gyno dress?” and then realizing she’s not; she’s just wearing the worlds ugliest not-quite-but-nearly-flesh coloured tights.

Tim Gunn comes in and gives them their product placement speech. Their models come in. Andy is falling back in love with his collection. We have a long hair and make up flurry.

Ten minutes to runway. Mondo wants to show at fashion week. He cries a little. Andy can’t screw this up. He cries a little. Gretchen has given up everything. She cries a little. This is what Michael’s always wanted. He doesn’t cry. Commercial.

Back. Runway. Heidi welcomes them back, and babbles for awhile about the well established fact that only 3 of them will move on to Fashion Week (except for in reality, where everyone from Casanova on has moved on to Fashion Week, but whatever. Let's not let actual reality intrude on reality TV reality). The only judges are Kors and Nina, so let’s start the show!

We begin with Andy’s looks. The first is a silver shorts-jumpsuit with ruffles, paired with an interesting headband. Then there’s a metallic bikini with a floaty cover up attached under her boobs. If you think about it, it’s the world’s most self defeating cover up in that it’s beneath her boobs, so they’re not covered, and it’s entirely see-through, so nothing else is covered either. His final look is the amazing green-pleated dress he made in New York (right). It’s super hot – it’s like sexy lizard chic. Anna from V should commission about twelve of them.

Michael C.’s collection is next. His first piece is the new look (left) – a one shouldered draped dress that’s super hot but kind of Dynasty in a way. Then there’s a dress that had a brown feathered skirt and a rose coloured top. Finally, we see the fringe top with some sparkly pants – it’s very Cher. Gretchen chants “bom chicka wah-wah” as it comes down the runway.

Gretchen’s mini-collection opens with the army green snooze of a dress she’s spent the last two days on (right). Then there’s an awful brown jumpsuit thing. Finally, we have a cover-up/vest thing that would be pretty hot if it wasn’t just over a pair of briefs and paired with this really awful hat. Whoever told this woman she was a good stylist should be shot.

Finally, we see Mondo’s looks. First is a black and white blouse with a pair of shorts in a contrasting black and white pattern. Then there’s his new look (left)– a turquoise top with a brown houndstooth skirt. Love it. His final look is this amazing black and white form fitting gown – it’s very 40’s. It’s amazing.

Commercial.

Back. The judges start their critique with Mondo, who explains that he wanted to mix prints and show his screen printing, and play with a neutral dress. Kors loves the skirt on the new outfit and the blouse on the other outfit. He feels like the pieces are very strong. Heidi loves the dress and thinks it’s very elegant. Nina loves the boldness and theatricality of his looks, but thinks the dress walks a fine line and wonders if people will think he’s putting on a circus collection.

Next they speak to Andy, who talks about being inspired by Laos and playing with the idea of structure. They all thought the bikini was his new look, probably because it’s so “what the fuck?” Heidi thinks the green dress is sophisticated and well made. Kors thinks the looks are sharp but romantic. Nina is not convinced about his range. Andy then tries to convince them that the silver dress is a “classy day look.” Nina rolls her eyes. I love that bitch so much.

Kors wants to know if the collection is all about short, decorated clothes. Heidi thinks that the bikini is just a throwaway.

They move to Michael, who wanted to show his ability to make structured pieces. Kors tells him the gown looks effortless. Heidi says the fringe top is her favorite piece. Nina was amazed that he decided to work in all the same colors, and Kors adds that the collection needs to tell a story – having a unifying color is not enough. Heidi calls the feathered dress boxy and bedazzled.

Finally, we speak with Gretchen. She explains her collection, which one of my friends dubs “Safari homeless. Nina says her interest is not piqued, and the collection is very granola and needs a sense of drama. The only thing she likes is the leather cover up. I love it when Nina and I are so exactly on the same page.

Heidi, the tacky bitch, thinks the collection is great and the prints are cool. She’s particularly interested in the grain sack the girl in the 11th look has stapled to her ass. Because what woman doesn’t want a handy ass- sack on the back of her casual day dress.

Anyway, Kors returns us to sanity by pointing out that it doesn’t look expensive, and says that the girl she designs for is someone who doesn’t leave the house after sundown.

The designers go to the greenroom. Michael and Gretchen snuggle a little, like they think we’ll have forgotten the months of them hating each other. Commercial.

We come back to deliberation. Nina is concerned.

They start talking about Gretchen. Heidi, the tacky bitch, likes the outfits, and likes that she knows what she is (granola) and stood by it. Kors says there’s nothing wrong with granola, but it has to be “fashion show granola,” and this isn’t.

Nina loves Mondo’s showmanship, but thinks that he needs a touch of reality. Kors says his styling is a little off.

Kors says Michael’s collection is like “stage costume cocktail wear” and Nina wonders “what was he thinking?” Heidi likes that he’s a great draper who knows what angles look good on a woman’s body, and Nina thinks he needs to feel more confident.

Finally, Nina disses Andy’s “fairy bikini with a cape” and wonders who presents evening wear and a bikini. Kors calls the looks disastrous, and says the green dress was the best thing. Commercial.

Back. Heidi congratulates all of them for making it this far, and says they had a difficult decision.

They tell Mondo they love his showmanship, but warn him not to go too far. He’s in.

Gretchen needs to keep in mind that the clothes are going to be on the runway, and elevate her styling. She’s in.

So it’s down to Andy or Michael. Andy did himself a disservice with the looks he chose. Michael’s monotone color scheme worried them, and they wonder if he has anything new to say.

Andy is in. He hugs Michael C., who cries. He goes back to the greenroom to be hugged by Gretchen and her awful tights, and says he feels bad that Michael didn’t make it.

Heidi tells Michael he should be proud of what he’s done. He cries more. He then goes back to the greenroom and does the very Italian thing where he cries and punches the wall. Bitchahontas hugs him from behind.

Michael wails that he doesn’t know how to tell his parents he didn’t make it, and frets that they’re going to make him move back home and marry a woman again.

Tim comes in and hugs him. He’s hyperventilating. Tim tells him that this is an extraordinary moment for him.

Gretchen shakes her head and says she’s worried about the way he’s reacting, and that his family won’t be supportive. Everyone gives him props for never giving up. That seems to give him the strength to pull it together. He says he learned so much on Project Runway, but especially that friends are hard to find and hard to make, and that it hurts to say goodbye.

Next: FINALE!