Top Chef All Stars: Double Elimination All The Way

Stephen and Dale L.
One a surprise; one less so
Both of them must leave.

Good morning, titmouses. How are you? I’m feeling a bit more on my game this morning than I have recently, because my very courteous kitten let me sleep until four a.m. this morning instead of waking me up at her usual 3:30. I appreciate this greatly, as I’m presently looking at a bit under two days to clean my apartment, do a shitload of laundry, finish (and by finish, I mean do) most of my Christmas shopping, pack, and organize a way to get myself to Dulles in time for a 7:30 flight on Saturday morning.

So between that looming at me and the cat-curtailed sleep habits and preparing what I feel will be a winning dish at my company’s Christmas bake-off and some technical difficulties with my TV that we’ll discuss in a moment, I was a bit flustered last night. I’m pretty Zen right now, but last night I was a little flipped out.

Anyway. After last week’s weird freak out, this episode could only seem tame by comparison. I liked the challenge a lot, and may actually try to make the winning dish at some point because it sounds so damn good (broth that tastes like buttered toast? Yes please). But the dual elimination was only half surprising. Since the players were announced, I knew Stephen wouldn’t last long – I’m sure he’s a good chef, but a) the first season of a reality show rarely if ever represents the strongest group of competitors, so I didn’t figure a fifth place ouster from that season holding up against strong chefs from later seasons. Similarly, b) he and Tiffani have the longest lag time between runs at this title – having your head out of competition mode for years has to put you at a disadvantage when you’re fighting chefs who are only weeks from wrapping their season. And c) it sounds – even according to Stephen himself – like he’s been working on concept/front of house stuff a lot lately rather than execution, so he’s probably a touch out of practice.

Dale, though, I expected more from. Not just because he’s a long time personal favorite and he was the runner up in a fairly strong season (if I’m ranking them in my head, I put 6 way at the top with 4 a distant second behind them, 3, 5, and 1 fighting out the middle, then 7, with 2 lagging way back in the rear), but because so far, he seemed like the “voice” of the season – he’s been the one giving us the funny lines and the smart observations. What are we left with now? Fabio’s accent? Angelo’s inappropriately zipped to the neck track suit? Casey’s Jurassic Park references?

Bravo, I demand a weekly dose of shirtless Tre to make up for this. Thank you. Let’s start the show.

We pick up after Jen’s dramatic departure again. I don’t know how I feel about this new format – it’s nice to have a way to distinguish the All Stars episodes from normal Top Chefs, and it’s always good to have the opportunity to show more chefs reacting to the previous elimination than you might’ve gotten from the little bits they show after Judges’ Table. Also, in this case, we’re treated to Jen’s whole weird swearing tirade once she passes through the stew room doors again, and that’s always funny.

But I am a lazy person; a person of habits. And one of those habits is that I have been able to reliably type “Morning! [City]! [However I’m referring to that season’s housing]!” at the top of a Word document before each episode starts, and then take a nice long sip of my wine and wait for things to happen. I know it’s a small thing, but I’m not crazy about having that crutch kicked out from under me.

Anyway. Enough of my self-indulgent whining.

Mike I says Jen going home “is definitely the biggest shock of the competition.” Yes, Mike. It’s definitely the biggest shock of the competition. Which so far, you’ve been in for what? Three days? Four now? Ack. I hate that sort of needless, lazy hyperbole. It makes me want to set myself on fire.

Everyone continues talking about how Jamie didn’t need to go to the hospital for her sliced finger.

Abbreviated credits!

Morning! New York! The All Startestants enter the Top Chef kitchen and see Padma awaiting them with David Chang. Marcel is impressed. Padma tells them that the quickfire this week will test their skills and talents against the clock. They split into four teams of four: Angelo, Tiffany, Mike I, and Fabio; Dale . . .

. . .and here we encounter technical difficulties. Let me explain: for no apparent reason (cough*fucking Comcast* cough), my DVR sometimes opts to record a rerun of a show instead of the initial airing. E.G., last night it was planning to record the third airing of Top Chef, which was probably around 1 in the morning, rather than either the 10:00 or 11:30 airings.

These airings still showed up in my scheduled recordings, but with the little empty “Do Not Record” sign next to them. For no reason at all – there was no conflict with too many programs recording at once. The only other thing I watch on Wednesdays that was new and therefore scheduled to record this week is Human Target (yes, I watch Human Target. I like action and Mark Valley is inhumanly handsome. Suck it), and that was on at 8.

So as I was watching the 10 p.m. episode of All Stars, I went to rewind it a bit to catch who was on what team. And somehow, it went into some crazy mode of endless rewinding and fast forwarding and rewinding and fast forwarding that I couldn’t make stop, no matter what buttons I smashed or how insistently. So I had to turn the TV off to stop it, and then turn it back on.

I figured I’d get up this morning and watch the segment I missed from the complete, scheduled recording from 1:30 or whenever it was my DVR had initially planned to record it. But at the same time, I thought “I’d better start recording this episode now so that doesn’t happen again.”

You see where those two plans conflict with each other, yes? Because the DVR thought there was already a 56 minute recording of Top Chef from 10 p.m., it didn’t bother to make the scheduled 60 minute recording at 1 a.m. (or whenever). So I’m not 100% clear on the regulations of the quickfire.

What I managed to make out was that the four teams are Angelo, Tiffany, Mike I., and Fabio (Green); Dale L., Casey, Jamie, and Antonia(Red); Blais, Spike, Tre, and Stephen (Blue); and Dale T., Tiffani, Marcel, and Carla (White). The challenge is some sort of take on the mise en place relay race, but seems to involve three tasks – peeling garlic, breaking down a rack of lamb, and doing. .. something to artichokes – that can be done simultaneously. Every time a team finishes one task, they hit a button that resets the clock.

When they finish all three tasks, they have to prepare a dish using their ingredients. So with the clock factor, the team that finishes their tasks first has the most time to prepare their dish.

Anyway, by the time I got the technological end of things figured out, we’re smack in the middle of a particularly frantic food flurry.

Tre is used to working in a restaurant where they have butchers. Marcel uses a special technique to French the lamb. Casey kills the lamb in an attempt to live down her catastrophic onion failure in the season 3 relay. Antonia tries to peel garlic one by one, while Fabio pounds them out with the butcher board and does 40 at once, finishing garlic for the Green team. They then finish their lamb and artichokes quickly, and begin cooking their dish. The Red Team finishes garlic. Blue is done with artichokes. White finishes lamb. Spike cannot pass the garlic test for blue, but they finally do with 12 minutes left (having apparently finished their lamb at some point when I was still trying to figure out what the hell was happening). Red pulls into third with 10 minutes, and decides to do lamb carpaccio since they don’t have time to cook. White finishes their garlic and artichokes with eight and a half minutes and copies the carpaccio idea.

Time! Chang and Padma begin tasting, starting with the White Team’sLamb Carpaccio, Artichoke Chips, Artichoke Salad & Garlic Oil. The Blue Team has made a Crispy Lamb Chop with Artichoke 3 Ways. The Red Team’s dish is Lamb Carpaccio with Capers, Garlic, Reggiano & Salad with Artichoke. Finally, the Green Team, who finished first, presents their Lamb with Garlic, Tandoori Spiced Yogurt, Slivers of Artichoke, Dill Salad.

David Chang tells them they did well on the quickfire. The Red Team’s dish was one of his least favorites because the parmesan and parsley overwhelmed everything. Similarly, the Green Team’s herbs blew out the yogurt.

On the top half, the White Team’s carpaccio was deceivingly complex, and the Blue Team’s chop had bold flavors. And the winner is. . .The Blue Team! Yay. I would’ve been cheesed if white had won for finishing last and making carpaccio. So everyone on blue gets $5K. Nice. Commercial.

Back. Padma tells them that their next challenge will allow them to experience New York’s elite restaurants as an insider. Each group will dine at one of New York’s finest restaurants, then prepare a dish the chef at each would be proud to put on the menu.

They draw knives to see which team gets which restaurant. The Green Team gets Ma Peche. Red draws Townhouse. Blue gets Marea and Red finishes up the draw with WD-50. Padma then tells them that they’re not working as a team, they’re working as individuals and their teammates are their competition. And TWO of them will be going home.

We get some reactions to the different restaurants. Fabio is baffled by the idea of cooking French and Vietnamese food, but Fabio being baffled by the prospect of making something other than Italian is nothing new, and since I no longer find him thoroughly charming, I can’t be bothered to pound out each laborious syllable of his comments.

The chefs head out to their restaurants to sample the food. Antonia is unbelievably excited. The Ma Peche group spends a lot of time listening to Angelo discuss the dishes since he is an expert in all things Asian. Tiffany, who between season 7 and this has probably spent 4 months of her life with him with very little interruption at this point, finds him annoying.

At Marea, the guys meet Michael White and talk about how they think they got the best restaurant. Stephen tries to pressure Tre into eating sea urchin, and Tre gets annoyed because Stephen apparently eats at Marea frequently. Blais is worried that he’ll need to edit himself to make food for Marea.

At WD-50, our old friend Wylie greets the chefs. Carla gives the usual Wylie introduction about how he uses molecular gastronomy, and plans to marry her classic techniques with his modern vision. Dale says he “read in an interview somewhere” that Wylie loved eggs. Or you saw it on Top Chef, man. One of those. Anyway, he plans to use this knowledge in his dish.

Over at Townhouse, David Burke welcomes Dale L. and the ladies. They all marvel at the goldfish in their cocktail chillers. Dale loves the whimsical food at Townhouse because it’s in line with his own “wacky” food, but Antonia’s concerned and overwhelmed.

The chefs retire back to their All Stars penthouse. Stephen thinks things are looking good for him in this challenge because Marea’s an upscale suit-and-tie kind of place. “Fashion’s become a major obsession of mine. Could be worse; could be cocaine or heroin.” I don’t understand what any of this has to do with feeling confident about cooking, but whatever. Good for you, Stephen. Congratulations on not being strung out on cocaine or heroin.

Commercial.

Back. The chefs head to their restaurants with 2 hours to cook. Four simultaneous food flurries! Mike I wants to impress David Chang. He thinks Angelo is the guy to beat in this challenge. At Townhouse, everyone is working with crazy ideas. Marcel cracks a double yolked egg at WD-50. Carla brings up her sous vide meat problem in the season 5 finale again. Seriously, we should make a list of things they’re going to bring up all the time and start a drinking game. Every time Carla or Casey mentions the Season 5 finale fiasco. Every time Tre mentions going out during Restaurant Wars. Every time Blais mentions choking in the Season 4 finale. Every time Antonia mentions being a mom. Every time Marcel’s shaved head or Angelo’s Asian expertise comes up.

The judges arrive at Marea. Tre says this is right up his alley because some people call him “the black Italian. “ I . . .again, am confused by the non sequitors peppering this episode, but I like Tre a lot, so we’ll let it pass.

The chefs head out and serve Tom, Padma, Kate Krader from Food & Wine, Bourdain, and Michael White.

Tre serves first, presenting his Grilled Swordfish, Braised Artichoke, Mushroom Panna Cotta, Basil Oil. Spike has made Seared Branzino with Caponata & Spicy Prosciutto Vinaigrette. Richard’s dish is Crudo of Spanish Mackerel, Braised Veal Shank, Fennel Mostarda. And Stephen wraps things up with his Coho Salmon, Black Mission Figs, Broccoli Rapini, Fennel Pollen.

The judges dig in. They don’t think Spike’s caponata is really caponata, but like Blais’s mackerel. Stephen’s tastes “like a head shop” according to Bourdain, and Michael White appreciates Tre’s simplicity.

Restaurant #2 on the judges itinerary is David Chang’s Ma Peche. He joins Tom, Padma, and Kate Krader for this tasting. Fabio says something characteristically Fabio about him cooking Asian being lie an Asian grandma trying to cook Italian.

The All Startestants head to the dining room to present their dishes. Fabio’s dish is Roasted Lamb, Hoisin Plum BBQ Sauce, Corn Tomato Salad, Lemongrass Chèvre Ricotta. Tiffany has made a Crudo of Summer Flounder, Pickled Radish & Peach Purée. Mike I’s dish is Warm Sockeye Salmon, Eggplant, Marinated Tomatoes & Pickled Peach. Finally, Angelo has made a Turmeric Marinated Fish, Dill, Cilantro, Salmon Roe, Chorizo & White Chocolate.

The judges begin with Angelo’s, which Bourdain finds creative. David Chang likes the style. They both also enjoy Mike’s salmon. Tom can’t figure out Fabio’s dish, and David Chang would never combine some of the ingredients. Krader thinks Tiffany’s dish is missing something that would elevate it, and Tom thinks it’s something that you’d see at “a lot of restaurants” without specifically fitting the challenge of being a dish for Ma Peche. Chang says there’s nothing there he’d be embarrassed about.

The next stop on our whirlwind culinary tour is Townhouse, where David Burke joins our three travelling diners. Casey is worried for Dale, who has ‘everything but the kitchen sink” in his dish.
The chefs present their dishes to the judges and David Burke. Dale’s dish is Roasted Veal Loin, Peanuts, Popcorn, French Toast, Corn & Thyme Caramel. Whoa. In Project Runway terms, that is a whole lot of look. Antonia has made Pea Purée, Carrot Purée, Seared Scallop & Pickled Carrot. Yummy. Casey has made a Coconut Halibut "Scallop," Tapioca "Caviar" & Ginger-Carrot Emulsion. I’m not a huge halibut fan, but that looks and sounds amazing. Jamie has made Smoked Tomato & Bacon Soup with Heirloom Tomato Salad. Except for Dale’s festival of crazy, everything from this team sounds really good.

Bourdain doesn’t think the smoke flavor adds anything to Jamie’s soup, and David Burke would like it to have more “wow factor.” Padma thinks Dale’s is like “a sweet dish that just has veal on it.” They love Casey’s “Scalibut.” Tom finds Antoina’s oversalted, but David Burke likes it.

Commercial.

Fakeback. Marcel talks about how it’s “ironic” to be cooking at WD-50 because one of Wylie’s sous had accused him of “culinary plagiarism” earlier in his career.

Back! The chefs at WD-50 are finishing up. Dale doesn’t know Wylie’s “tricks,” so he’s trying to stay true to who he is. Tiffani thinks she “probably should not have frozen my melons.” Girl, I hear you. It has been bloody damn cold in DC for weeks now, and no matter how many layers you wear, your melons are at least going to get a bit of a chill on them.

The chefs present to the judges and Wylie (no, I don't know why this is the only restaurant that Bravo didn't take a picture of the chefs presenting). Dale T presents his breakfast inspired Sunny Side Up Egg Dumpling, Braised Pork Belly, Milk Ramen with Bacon, Beef & Pork. It. Looks. Amazing. Tiffani has made Broken Summer Heirloom Melons, with Powdered Ham & Taleggio. Carla’s is Poached Shrimp, Grits, Okra Chips. And Marcel’s is Vadouvan Lamb, Tzatziki, Pickled Red Onion & Anti Flatbread.

Bourdain thinks Tiffani “lost control of the mission on the launch pad.” Wylie loves Dale’s dish, and Tom thinks the “broth tastes like breakfast. It’s really cool.” They think Carla did a nice job even if Wylie finds it “a bit safe.” Bourdain finds Marcel’s “timid” and Tom agrees that even the cucumber is bland. Wylie thinks they’ve all grasped the philosophy of the restaurant.

The chefs all reconvene in the stew room over a Solo cup of wine. “you shoulda seen me usin’ the circulator, y’all,” Carla brags.

Padma calls back Dale T., Angelo, Antonia, and Tre. They’re the top group for this challenge, and the winner gets a 6 night trip to New Zealand.

Bourdain says Antonia did a nice “riff” on peas and carrots. Kate Krader likes the creativity of Angelo’s. Tom tells Tre the fish was perfectly done, and congratulates Dale on his restraint.

And the winner is. . .Dale! Yay! I like him when he’s not being angry. Also that dish sounds amazing. He says having a win shows the other chefs that he’s “for real.”

He does, however, have to send back some of his colleagues: Stephen, Tiffani, Fabio and Dale L. Everyone cheers for them to “fight hard,” but Antonia adjures them “don’t pull a Jen.”

They file into the Judges’ Table, where Padma reminds them that 2 are going home.

They begin with Fabio, who reminds them that “Asian foosion or French is not my expertise area.” He acknowledges overdoing the ingredients, and Tom agrees.

Stephen says he put too much on the plate. Bourdain says there was an overwhelming flavor and scent of sandalwood. Kate Krader says the salmon could’ve been a beautiful dish.

Tiffani also acknowledges having tried to do too much, and Tom says her dish was “watery and mushy.”

Dale L. says the food at Townhouse is “food with jazz hands.” Tom couldn’t see the inspiration in his dish, and says that the problem was he gave them a breakfast dish with veal on it.

The judges send them back so they can deliberate. Padma says this is one of the most interesting challenges they’ve ever done.

Bourdain says Dale’s dish just didn’t taste good, and Tom says it was way too sweet. Kate Krader thinks Stephen got overexcited, and Tom says parts of it were very good even though Bourdain found it “unpleasant to eat.” He also thinks there was no confidence in Fabio’s dish, and Tom says there was too much going on. Bourdain thinks Tiffani’s dish crossed the “fine line between homage and parody” with her dish.

Commercial.

Back. Tom goes through his normal blahdy blah with reminding them of the challenge and how they failed it.

Padma tells Stephen and Dale to pack their knives and go.

Boooooo.


Dale is very disappointed and a little embarrassed to be going home this early. He says being told to go home is going to take a little bit to get over.

Stephen says in Season one he would’ve killed this challenge, because he was cooking more then, but acknowledges he’s not quite up to par with the competitors in All Stars. Dale closes us out by hoping he’ll come back for “Top Chef 16, you know, Seniors.”

Make this happen, Bravo.

Next: US Open! More blood! Clusterfuck! Go for the kill, yep? Is Angelo helping, or is he trying to get people eliminated? I’m extremely upset with Jamie. It just felt heavy.