Project Runway: Whatever Nina Wants, Nina Gets

Poor Julie Coat Dress
Neither coat nor dress, says Kors
Won’t work for Nina.

You know… there are times when I think the judges have made the wrong decision based on design, and times when I think they’ve made the wrong decision based on designer. And then there’s this week, when I think they’ve made it on both counts.

Julie’s coatdress – a mess, yes, but a mess with a good idea behind it. And yet it’s gone, and Cecilia’s mud coloured cocktail dress and the most recent in Danielle’s collection of ‘80s church secretary disasters stay?

Julie – an amusing person, and a designer who’s displayed both skill and ideas in various challenges, though perhaps not the two together. And she’s gone while sad sack “I give up” Cecilia stays?

It blows. And don’t start me on the top group. I don’t know how Kimberly’s disco themed “Good Ship Lollipop” costume won. I also don’t know how Joshua’s dress, which I covet the CRAP out of (damn, who knew that tanned manqué with the overplucked eyebrows would slowly creep his way into tastefulness and become one of my favorite designers?) didn’t make the top 3 along with Viktor and Anya.

The challenge itself, I loved. I really think that as basic as Nina’s tastes may seem to be, she’s probably a much more difficult client to design for than Heidi. You can’t just throw together some micro-mini sateen skirted whore gear and expect Nina to love it.

At the same time, despite the directness and the “No. No. Nos,” I think Nina is probably a much BETTER client than Heidi. Think for a moment about what a C-Nugget Heidi’s been in some of the “make me a short dress, design slaves!” challenges. She’s outright mocked designers in the past. Nina was direct and she offered direction; Heidi routinely takes this challenge as a chance to be cruel.

Let’s look at how all of this nonsense happened though, shall we?

Morning! New York! Atlas Apartments! The ladies reflect on Fallene leaving, and Julie says Fallene gave her a fabulous haircut. It’s true -- it is a good haircut. Maybe Fallene should stick with that. Cecilia is feeling more confident.

In the boys’ apartment (Bryce, Joshua), someone has written “Bring the bald guy back!” on their board. Yes, PLEASE, America. Bring the Bald guy back. I have so many Bald, Spanking Mormon stories in my head and no possible reason to use them. Bryce feels like the judges eyes are on him. In guys’ apartment 2 (Bert, Viktor, Oliverrsfdfdfdf and Anthony), they speculate about the next challenge. Anthony thinks it’ll be “something horrible.” Viktor doesn’t want to be in the bottom again (thatswhathesaid).

Runway. Heidi emerges in a gold dress that look’s like’s Klimt’s The Kiss, and tells them they’ll be designing for a “veeeerrry important client, who knows a lot about fashion.” It’s Nina, of course. Nina vows to be tough on this because this is the first time the designers have worked for her rather than Heidi. Ooh, someone’s got her well-tailored jealous pants on, huh?

The look has to be something that she can wear to work in the day and to an industry event in the evenings. This reminds me of “Day to Night Barbie,” who I always coveted. Nina gives them a list of her likes (classic with an edge, tailored) and dislikes (everything else). The winner’s look will be featured in a Marie Claire ad on top of NYC cabs. Nina sends them up to sketch; she’ll consult with them individually before they go shopping.

Tim greets them in the workroom and gives them 30 minutes to sketch and two computers full of Nina pictures to use as references. Kimberly says this is the toughest challenge to date because they have to impress Nina as a judge AND as a client. Bryce starts drawing flowy cowl covered clothes, despite Nina saying that “voluminous” was one of her dislikes. Anya is worried about toning down her palate. Julie is doing a very clean coat dress. She feels like she’s running out of chances with the judges.

Nina arrives for her one-on-one consultations. She thinks Anya’s jumpsuit idea will be a challenge “sewingwise.” Viktor kisses her ass a bit and she likes his design. She tells Bryce she hates cowls. She asks for a plan B from Joshua after he reveals his grey dress idea. She seems to give really helpful advice to Danielle about adjusting her look so it’s more suited to her style and the parameters of the challenge.

She’s “very happy” with the silhouette Julie offers. She tells Kimberly how much she loves her pants right after Kimberly has interviewed that she wants to get away from pants in this challenge. She’s concerned about Cecilia’s jacket because it’s “a lot” and dated – “a little Dynasty.” Commercial.

Back. Nina continues to be concerned about Cecilia’s jacket, and suggests she just focus on the dress.

Back in the workroom, Tim tells them that Nina doesn’t want “boring’ or “a runway covered in grey garments.” They head off to Mood with a budget of $200.

Mood! Danielle is looking for olive green, but ends up with a Kelly green. Ok, how do you 1)not find ANY suitable olive green in all of Mood, and 2) decide Kelly green is the right substitute? Anya grabs a mustard printed silk and wonders if it’s a risk worth taking. 10 minutes! Becky finds a splashy print, which Anthony also has. Anthony thinks she copied him. Douche. Cecilia wanders around like a lost soul. She can’t think “when I have thoughts clogged in my mind.” Time! Thank you Mood!

Back to the workroom, where they all start putting out their materials. Julie tells us about how she went to fashion school because she was sick of bartending and waiting tables, but thought she’d made a mistake because everyone was young and talented. But she turned out to be good at it. Cecilia tells us Julie is a wonderful companion.

Ok, it’s official -- we know too much about Julie. If the promos from last week hadn’t given it away already, we now officially know she’s doomed. Also, does anyone else think she looks a bit like Amy Poehler?

Anthony gripes to Joshua about how he thinks Becky copied his fabric choices. Becky tells her side of the story to Cecilia and Bert. I don’t like there being such a defined cool kids table already. Cecilia realizes one of the fabrics she got was not the shade she thought.

Tim and Nina enter the workroom. “Hello everyone,” Nina says. Nina is contractually prohibited from ever greeting anyone with words other than “Hello everyone.” Tim and Nina thru! They start with Danielle. Nina thinks her look is too “soft,” and Tim compares it to “the reflection of [her sketch] in water.” Nina quickly nixes three ideas. She’s worried that the collar on Julie’s is too big and needs to be dainty. Julie adds more orange to the design. Tim tells her that he always leaves her feeling confident and then sees it on the runway and thinks “oh my god!”

Nina sees Anya’s fabric and asks if there’s a plan B. Anya stammers. Commercial.

Back. Anya has no plan B. Nina and Tim tell her to own it and wish her good luck. Joshua, Tim, and Nina have a conversation about Nina’s bra. Anthony shows Nina his print. Becky shows Nina the same print, and says she doesn’t know who saw it first. She feels like Ollllfydfrs is a little safe, and cautions Bryce not to make it too micro mini. She tells Bert not to make it too plunging and worries that Laura has too much green. She advices Viktor to add some volume, and says that Cecilia’s textiles are looking sad. She thinks Kimberly has too much blue.

Finished, Nina tells the designers that there’s an additional reward – the winning look will be photographed for an editorial in Marie Claire magazine.

The designers return to work. Kimberly is a little frustrated, and talks about what she’s sacrificed to be on Project Runway, including her mom and her brother (I kid – her mother passed of breast cancer when she was 17 and her brother passed recently, but the transition between “I’ve sacrificed so much” and “everyone in my family is dead” was awkward). Anya dyes her fabric. DYES it. Anthony has a video chat with his fiancée, Matthew, who is SUPER cute and has a matching accent to Anthony. I love him. Give Matthew a show, please, Lifetime.

(also, and this is totally irrational, but: I’d just assumed Anthony was straight because he had testicular cancer, and everyone I know who’s had testicular cancer has been straight. How dumb am I? I mean, it’s not like I thought that exposure to the vadge caused testicular cancer, but it’s just linked with heterosexuals in my mind. Does this mean I have a weirdly specific form of homophobia?)

Model fittings! Anya’s model likes the fabric in its original form. Anthony asks his model if she has a padded bra to make her boobs bigger. “This is padded,” she tells him. Bert thinks Danielle is fixated with chiffon. Cecilia hates her materials.

One hour to the end of the day. Julie talks about how much she loves her model and how she’s the best thing she has going. Julie is feeling the disadvantage of not usually sewing every day. Time! Commercial.

Back. Day of Runway show. The boys speculate on who they think is in trouble. Viktor thinks Kimberly’s is too loud. He’s wearing another Warbler costume. Anya is stressed and worries about her time management. Julie refuses to discuss her coat with Cecilia. “that’s between me and my coat.” Cecilia wonders how to “feex my modelz neeples,” which are apparently huge. ACK. Cecilia has just discussed nipples, one of my biggest fears, on Project Runway. It’s like my safe place has been invaded.

Back to the workroom with two hours to the show. Anya can’t remember what she was doing. Laura has pinned her fabric to her finger. Tim enters… an empty workroom. EVERYONE is in the Brother sewing area. He has NEVER had to deliver his blah blah product placement spiel in the sewing room. He’s alarmed by how much work they have to do. “I am sweating through my suit!”

Model fitting. Bryce’s garment is loose on his model, but looked better before he started taking it in. Becky thinks Anya’s lack of skills and experience will start to show at some point. Viktor thinks his look looks “so expensive…like it was bought at Barneys or something.” Cecilia feels pressured and can’t think clearly. It’s probably the nipples. She is “assepting” her place in the bottom.

Hair and make up flurry! “Make her look like Nina” is the constant refrain.

Cecilia helps Julie put together her coat dress since she’s given up on her own design. Julie thinks Cecilia helping her is awesome. Tim enters and tells them they have ten minutes, then catches Julie gluing her dress. Laura has her garment draped, so she chips in to help Anya. Viktor thinks that “it’s not good that another designer is helping you because it’s not really you.” He thinks it’s “almost like cheating.”

Tim returns and hustles up the designers and models. Bryce’s girl is literally in her bra and panties when he calls them. Eventually, he gets them all out of the room. Commercial.

Back. Runway. Heidi “HALLO’s” them and does her math to announce that there are 13 of them now, but after tonight, there will be…… twelve. The judges are Michael “the newlywed” Kors, Nina “the client” Garcia, Joanna “the editor” Coles, and Kerry “George” Washington.

And here I had to pause the TV for three or four minutes, because my cat decided I’d look really good with a pierced nose. Seriously. Claw, straight through the right nostril. So much blood.

Anyway, bleeding stanched, let’s start the show! We open with Joshua’s look, a super cute grey and orange dress. I WANT that dress (but a skoosh longer – my legs aren’t as good as Nina’s). Bert has made a basic black dress with a plunging front and a slit leg. It’s too much cut-out from not enough dress. Ollllfffr has made a Romulan costume from Star Trek The Next Generation, but in plain grey instead of the flattering greyish purple.

Anthony has used the print he and Becky both have as a top with a plain black skirt. Becky has used it to make a dress that kind of wraps in segments (see below -- Anthony's is left; Becky's is right).

Kimberly has made blue pants and a gold Saturday Night Fever top. Meh. Cecilia has made a brown one-shouldered dress with grey accents. It’s a snooze. Anya’s jumpsuit (right) is brownish, and … kind of awesome as jumpsuits go, but it doesn’t say Nina to me. Danielle has made a catastrophic mess: black pants and an insane green blouse.

Julie’s coat dress is a bit uneven but a great idea. I just worry that an idea won’t be enough to get her through. Bryce has made a female medical officer’s uniform from classic Star Trek (ie, blue mini dress) Laura has made …an emerald satin dress that I’m pretty sure I saw jazz choirs wear back in 1994. Viktor has made a very chic black dress.

Heidi calls Danielle, Kimberly, Anya, Viktor, Julie, and Cecilia. Everyone else is safe. The safe designers go back to the green room. Becky thinks Kimberly is in the bottom, but Laura thinks she’s in the top. Bert thinks Oliverrrrrrsdfsf is going to win it. Someone points out that Oliverrrwsdfsdfsf is right next to him. Hah. Commercial.

Back. They begin with Viktor. Heidi says you can never go wrong with a beautiful black dress. Nina likes the versatility and the option of separates. Kors likes the shoulder, but hopes it’s “what’s next.” Kerry Washington says there’s something “really different” about the piece. She is wearing an incomprehensible pink blouse. Joanna Coles thinks it’s beautiful.

Nina didn’t think Julie would reduce the collar as much as she had. It’s not her favorite. Kerry Washington didn’t understand it. Kors says it’s a housecoat and sad. Heidi says it doesn’t look clean. Julie likes it, though. Joanna Coles finds it unwearable.

Cecilia thinks she chose the wrong fabrics. Joanna Coles thinks the fashion department would wonder what on earth she was wearing if she came to work like that. Kors says the fabrics are a disaster. Kerry doesn’t know about the look for daytime, and Nina agrees it wouldn’t survive 12 hours of her life.

Nina loves Kimberly’s boring ass pants and disco top. So does Heidi, and thinks it’s a great outfit without accessories. Kors LOVES that it’s separates. Joanna calls it a “special shirt”. I have to wonder if she means good special or short bus/ Todd from One Life to Live’s secret identical twin Special Needs Victor special. Apparently it’s good, because she says she’ll wear it if Nina doesn’t.

Anya explains how she died the fabric. Nina is amazed at the transformation. Heidi loves the jumpsuit, and is once again shocked by Anya’s insta sewing skills. Joanna Coles likes the shape of it, and Kerry Washington finds it fun. Kors says it’s beautifully tailored.

Danielle mousily explains her outfit. Kors tells her it’s pedestrian and looks like a blouse one of his aunts would’ve worn in the ‘80’s. Kerry Washington doesn’t hate it – but look what she’s wearing; she clearly has an affinity for shit ugly semi-sheer blouses – but acknowledges it’s not for Nina. Joanna Coles says the outfit makes her think the model and the designer are depressed. YOUCH.

I like this person. Let’s have her on more often.

Heidi sends the designers off. They join their compatriots in the green room. Viktor is pissed that Anya didn’t tell the judges that Laura helped her. Julie says she lives in a “bad neighborhood” on the runway.

Back out front, Nina says Danielle didn’t listen to her, and Joanna found it ordinary – something to be worn “making pureed acorn squash” not leading the fashion department of a magazine. Kors says the blouse is suited for a Joan Crawford St. Patty’s day party. Joanna wouldn’t let Nina IN the office in Cecilia’s dress. Kors felt like she didn’t even try. Heidi thinks she doesn’t want to be here. Kors thinks Julie had an idea but the wrong fabrics. Nina doesn’t see how it’s day-to-evening. Kerry found it “ambiguous even in what it was,” and Joanna thinks it’s a new thing “like a droat.” Heidi points out that Julie’s always in the bottom.

Nina says Viktor’s dress was sharp and clean. Kors think the details save it from being mundane or boring. He thinks that the jumpsuit is cut fabulously. Kerry thinks it’s more inspired than some of the other safe entries. Joanna thinks Kimberly’s top is “exactly what Project Runway is about.” Disco fever? Is Project Runway suddenly about disco fever? Nina loves that it’s powerful but a little bare. They’ve reached a decision. Commercial.

Back. Heidi tells Viktor, Kimberly, and Anya that they impressed them. Nina announces that Kimberly is the winner. Jesus God, why? Ulch. She has immunity for next week. She says the win is major for her. The other designers seem really happy for her, though. Viktor and Anya are both in, of course.

Danielle is also in. Ulch. I don’t like her at all.

So it’s down to Julie or Cecilia. Julie’s garment was confusing, and didn’t work. Cecilia gave up, and they question her attitude.

Cecilia is….in. Boooooo. All the other designers are shocked to see her and then throw in a few half hearted “yays!” as she sits down. She admits that she feels bad because Julie wants to be there and she wouldn’t have minded going home. Laura asks if she said that onstage, and Cecilia says it wouldn’t have made sense to do so.

Julie is out. Tim sends her to the workroom without much ceremony. She doesn’t know what’s next for her or where she’ll go after this, but she’s ok with this.

And then we see Kimberly meeting with Nina in her garment. Nina pretends she’s received many compliments in the outfit. Kimberly also gets to ride in a cab with her ad on it.

Next time! A track! Another team challenge! The top 4 runners will be team captains. Olfffrer wipes out. “If you’re tired, take a nap.” “Drop Dead.” “He’s gonna be out.” “You ended up with a mess.” “I’m sorry, it’s a rag.”