Top Chef: Pulling Up Steaks

Uncooked potato
Uninspired recipe
Whitney’s undoing

Good morning, croquettes. How are you doing? Did you enjoy last night’s episode?

I…can’t say I enjoyed it, because I was exhausted last night, and not feeling entirely myself due to some sort of stomach thing that feels like a small man is standing on my kidneys and punching my lower intestines from within (I know nothing about biology, so if you couldn’t punch the intestines by standing on the kidneys… just don’t tell me. I really couldn’t care less).

But I did think it was a step in the right direction. The quickfire challenge was a nice back-to-basics, display your fundamental skillz type challenge without featuring some sort of promotional ingredient or being sponsored by a company we’d have to hear about 30 times (not that they didn’t make up for that with the Toyota Venza Elimination Challenge, brought to you by Toyota Venza, for which first prize was a Toyota Venza). The elimination challenge was no great shakes, and the chefs didn’t do anything spectacular with it, but we did see some character development. Ty-Lör showed us the right way to handle slicing your finger off, and between that and taking responsibility for the steaks (even though I don’t agree with Tom that it was entirely the fault of the technique he chose), demonstrated a degree of levelheadedness and maturity that I wasn’t 100% expecting.

On the converse side, while I still don’t like Beverly the crier, I’m starting to like Heather less. Heather is obsessed with Beverly for some reason, and it’s a little gross. And Heather’s face when she goes on the attack is just the grossest thing ever. So Beverly isn’t a team player and cries all the time. Is that really a reason to turn that bizarre shade of grayish purple and make faces like a smug frog that’s about to spontaneously combust?

Whitney, on the other hand, never had too much of a personality. And I’m kind of glad she’s gone (from the TV, at least [spoiler alert]), because I was having trouble thinking of her as anything other than a soft version of Dakota.

(Although I will say: look at the stems on that girl in her bio pic! Bangin'. You go, Whitney.)

Let’s do this, shall we?

Night. The chefs are in their Dallas hotel, mourning the loss of Chuy. Edward says the guys need to rally so there aren’t “eight girls and two guys left.” Chris says something trite about concentrating on food and not on girls versus guys or anything. It’s pretty sensible, but I have such an aversion to him and his douchebro ponytail and squinty eyes that I still just want to punch him.

The next morning they head to the Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts, and see Padma and Dean Fearing. The Cordon Bleu kitchen will be their base in Dallas. Paul feels like he should win this challenge, since he went to school here and is familiar with the settings.

The quickfire will test their skills as a saucier. Padma says “saucier” very saucily. Dean Fearing says the saucier position is the one that gives the “wow” to the dish. The chefs each draw knives with one of the five mother sauces on it: Hollandaise, Espagnole, Béchamel; Tomate; and Velouté. Their challenge is to make a dish with a new sauce that stems from their mother sauce. The winner gets immunity. Their time starts… Now!

Sauce sprint! They have an hour and a half to cook. We hear about a couple of different sauces and what they’re doing with them, but really, we’ll hear about them when we get to the tasting. Everyone’s trying to do something new with the classic sauce. Nothing blows up or anything.

Padma comes in and gives them the five minute warning. Dakota put her scallops on way too early. Grayson is “totally effed” because she has so many elements. 55 seconds. Time.

Padma and Fearing begin tasting with Chris C., who has made Halibut over Mussels, Andouille, Hajimachi Mushrooms, Veloute with Mussels, Lemon Puree. Edward’s dish stars a Cauliflower Milk Béchamel with Poached Red Snapper, Crab, Fried Oyster. Grayson’s Hollandaise is featured in a dish of Scallop, Charred Corn Sauce with Paprika, Corn Ravioli, Blueberry Balsamic Reduction. Paul has made Espagnole over Quail with Pickled and Roasted Honshimeji Mushrooms, Garlic Scapes. Whitney’s Tomate sauce is served with Poached Shrimp, Fennel Pillau, Sauteed Okra, Pancetta. Paul and Whitney both get questioned for not using roux in their sauces.

We move onto Heather, who has made Béchamel - Gruyere Croquette with Chinese 5 Spice, Apple Ginger Compote and Asian Slaw. Beverly’s Asian inspired dish is Espagnole - Sauce with Charred Shallots with Pepper Corn, Sake, Red Wine, Crab Maki Roll with Rib Eye. Heather thinks the judges should be bored of Bev always making Asian food. Fearing asks Beverly why there’s so little of the espagnole, and she says it’s because she also had the soy, and didn’t want to overpower the soy. Well, that was a dumbshit move, Beverly. The challenge was not soy. The challenge was espagnole. Feature the ingredient that is the challenge.

Moving along, we hear about Dakota’s Béchamel Infused with Peach, Truffle and Lemon Crab and Mushroom Duxelle, Seared Scallop. Fearing says it’s almost like a hollandaise. Ty-Lör has made a Hollandaise, Ahi Tuna, and Bok Choy with Sugar Snap Peas. Finally we see Nyesha present her Tomate Sauce with Coconut and Ras El Hanout Braised Lentils.

Fearing’s least favorites were Dakota, who overused the peach. Nyesha’s dish showed great thought, but her flavors were muddled. And Beverly had another sauce featured over her mother sauce.

He really liked Grayson’s dish, and is impressed that she made ravioli. He liked the way Chris C. added poaching liquids back into the sauce, and thought Paul’s flavor combination was perfect. And the winner is… commercial.

Augh, I HATE when they do this. Bunch of teases.

Back. The winner is… Grayson! Yay! I like her. She has immunity in the elimination challenge.

Padma tells them that for Texans, steak is one of life’s most important pleasures. For their elimination, they’ll work as one team to create a 4 course steak dinner for 200 guests. They have to incorporate steak into 2 of the four courses for the Cattle Baron’s Ball. Fearing instructs them that the steaks should ALL be medium rare when they hit the table. Padma gives them 30 minutes to menu plan now, plus 3 hours to cook that night, and then 3 hours to prep and cook the next night before the event…at SOUTHFORK RANCH! And the winner also gets a brand new 2011 Toyota Venza. Then they all say nice things about the Toyota Venza.

Menu planning! They split up into teams for the four courses. Sarah, Beverly, and Dakota will do soups. Lindsay, Heather, and Grayson are doing dessert, and Edward is pissed because she’s doing his cake recipe again like she did for the quinceañera.

They head to Whole Foods in the Toyota Venzas and talk about how much room there is in the Toyota Venzas and how much they’d all LOOOOOVE to win a Toyota Venza. Arriving at Whole Foods, they pile out of their Toyota Venzas and have 45 minutes and $4,000 to shop before getting back into their Toyota Venzas.

They run around the store breaking things, and Ty-Lör talks about how he was inspired by his grillmaster father who survived open heart surgery. Whitney was inspired by her mother, who was a versatile cook even though they were poor. One of them is totally going home.

Back in the kitchen, the soup team works on their watermelon gazpacho. Edward, Paul, and Chris J. are making New York strip carpaccio for the second course, and on the third team, Whitney, Chris C., Ty-Lör and Nyesha are making ribeye with a sauce, a compound butter, Brussels sprouts and a potato gratin. Heather complains that Beverly is being selfish and not helping her team. People try to convince Whitney to put her potatoes in the oven, but she refuses.

Then Ty-Lör basically slices his finger half off. He’s super calm and super precise about it, telling the medic that the knife probably went in a 16^th of an inch, and finishing his work with a wrapped hand before heading off to the ER. This is how you handle cutting your finger, Jamie.

Back in the hotel, the others try to divvy up the work. Lindsay thinks people are resisting stepping up and taking the lead because of what a cluster their previous group challenge at the quinceañera was. Commercial.

Back. Next morning. Ty-Lör is apparently not back from the ER, because they’re still wondering what happens if they’re one man short. He eventually walks into the hotel kitchen with four stitches and tells them about how crazy the hospital was. He’s determined to step up and do his part and take charge of the steaks.

The chefs head off to Southfork Ranch and we get a modified version of the Dallas theme song because apparently Bravo couldn’t secure the rights to the real thing. It’s so lame. Instead of ba BAAAAM ba BAAM ba Ba Badi Bum Bum! Bum Bi Bum Badi Bum!!! it’s like ba BAAAM badi bum bum! ba badi bum bum! Ba Baaam! (unrelated: I miss when TV shows had long opening credits sequences with iconic theme songs and pictures of the entire, sprawling cast as well as a lot of establishing shots to set up the feel of the show. Related: RIP, HarryMorgan)

The chefs get down to work. Heather’s cakes are finished so she’s working on the organizational end of things. Whitney is having to remove a layer of potatoes because the ones exposed to the air have browned. Beverly has apparently been doing nothing but working on her shrimp for two days, which gives Heather another excuse to be pissed at Beverly. Dakota thinks Heather is a bully, and should be booted from the island. Wrong show, Dakota.

Tom thru! Heather explains her dessert/expediting position. Then Dean Fealing joins him to tour the kitchen and learn about what they’re doing. Ty-Lör explains his plan to just mark the steaks on the grill and finish them in the oven.

A bunch of tackily dressed guests arrive with 13 minutes to go before service. Oh, dear, there are so many hats and rhinestones and low end turquoise jewelry that these women probably got rooked on. Two more prospective Housewives of Dallas approach the judges and talk about the American Cancer Society.

Ty-Lör is outside grilling the steaks in 112 degree heat. The first course comes out and Padma introduces the judges – tonight we have Hugh and Tom, and Dean Fearing, plus Padma and the Cancer Society ladies. Sarah explains their Tomato-Watermelon Gazpacho, Poached Shrimp, Avocado Mousse. The Cancer Society lady doesn’t taste enough watermelon. Tom thinks the chefs are playing it a bit safe. Hugh thinks it needs acid.

Lindsay is nervous that no one’s thinking about the third course as the second goes out. Paul introduces the New York Strip Carpaccio, Pistachio Vinaigrette, Mushroom “Bacon”, Red Onion Jam. No one seems impressed by the “raw tomato thing,” but Fearing likes the degree of doneness.

Lindsay takes charge and starts throwing steaks in the oven. They get them ready, and Heather instructs them to hang tight, because the guests aren’t finished with the second course yet. Chris J. says that flashing the steaks early is like “when the meteor hit the earth and the dinosaurs became extinct” in terms of being a big deal. God, I just hate him and his face and his pot-smoking sophomore with one philosophy class pretenses of deepness. Ty-Lör knows that he’s screwed by the others’ decision to flash the steaks early. Edward is worried because the steaks were ice cold and the gratin is a mess. Nyesha hopes her elements will shine on their own. She goes forward to introduce the Grilled Rib Eye, Creamy Potato Gratin, Braised Greens, Thyme Jus, and explain who worked on the dish. Hugh finds the steak a little messy, and a couple of the steaks aren’t medium rare. The gratin is not cooked. They do like Nyesha’s sauce and compound butter.

The chefs go to work plating the cake, which Lindsay introduces as “Right Side Up” Texas Peach Cake, Whipped Mascarpone, Pecan Streusel. Tom says Heather did a great job with the cake, but Hugh wants a bit more sugar on his.

The judges chat. Tom says overall it was “fine,” but they could’ve pushed it a lot more. Padma thanks the Cancer Society ladies and tells them it’s been a pleasure. Back in the kitchen, Ty-Lör knows it’s done for him. Whitney thinks she could go for her gratin. Commercial.

Fakeback. Beverly tells Ed about how she thought she might be on his shit list because she made a reservation and then cancelled the same day. She says Ed is her idol. It’s unexpectedly sweet. One of them must be going home.

Really back. Heather wants to talk about what happened. She doesn’t think everyone pulled their weight, and that Bev spent all her time working on shrimp. Bev says it was uncalled for to call her out. Heather points out that her and Lindsay have their asses on the lines for taking charge of execution. She has a very unpleasant look on her face. Ok, I don’t like Beverly at all, but Heather’s obsession with her and the despicable way she’s expressing it are starting to tick me off more. Padma calls in Nyesha, Heather, and Chris Jones.

They did the best in the challenge, and one of them will win the Toyota Venza. Fealing tells Chris his steak was cooked perfectly, and Hugh agrees that that was the shining part of the dish. Tom loved Heather’s dessert, and Fealing says the cake was light as a feather and prepared perfectly. Tom tells Nyesha her compound butter saved the dish, and Hugh says it added “nuance and integrity” to an otherwise confused steak.

And Fealing announces that the winner is… Heather. She looks happy, and still kind of smug and unpleasant. They go back and announce her win. Edward and Beverly are clearly pissed – Edward because she won using his cake recipe; Beverly because these two bitches just straight up hate each other. Heather tells Ty-Lör, Whitney, and Ed to go back in. Whitney finds it comforting to see Hugh, her mentor, since he’s been in her position.

The interrogations start with Ty-Lör, who immediately knows what went wrong. He says that the method could’ve worked if they’d fired at the right time, but ultimately it’s on him. Tom’s portion of Whitney’s gratin was raw, and Fealing says she should’ve been able to tell that by cutting it. Tom said Ed’s safe, boring dish said everything about the way the team approached the challenge. Padma sends them back to wait.

Deliberation. Tom says Whitney’s gratin shouldn’t represent 6 hours of work, and Hugh admits that he’s disappointed in her. Wow, that is way harsh, Tai. Tom faults Ty-Lör’s technique for the failure of the steaks, and thinks Ed made the mistake of underestimating the clients’ palates. Hugh says it was “a mediocre dish done in an ok style” and that that was the theme of the night. They’ve made a decision. Commercial.

Back. Tom tells them that the challenge was a difficult one, but that doesn’t mean it had to be boring. Whitney played it safe and still messed up with raw potatoes. Ed’s dish was not Top Chef material. And Ty took responsibility and didn’t carry through. He’s starting to think he chose some of the wrong chefs when they narrowed it down to 16. Daaaaaamn. He says that usually it’s tough to send someone home, but tonight they’ve made it easy. Double daaaaaaaaaamn.

Padma tells Whitney to pack her knives and go. She thanks them for the opportunity, and says it was hard being eliminated by Hugh. She says the best part of the competition was meeting so many amazing chefs, and that this is just a part of the dreams and goals she’s set for herself.

Next time! Double Elimination! We have to judge the three dishes that will be in the bottom! I would’ve rather gotten paired with anyone else besides Bev. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done!

And in Last Chance Kitchen, Whitney’s Elk Burger defeats Chuy’s Ostrich Burger in a weird match where for some reason, the eliminated challengers are now allowed to watch them and shout advice and encouragement, as though this was Next Iron Chef Superchefs (or whatever the hell that’s called – I stopped watching when Chuck Hughes was eliminated).