Project Runway All Stars: A Lotta Gelato

Blueberry April
Halloween Spider Thingy
Chin up; you’re still young.

Good morning, popadoms. How are you all doing? Did anyone else wake up this morning going “HOLY SHIT, WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!!!” whilst their cat screamed the same thing in Siamese meows because you’d left the phone on something strange, and the vibrating sound came across like a World War II air raid happening inches from your head?

No? Well, that’s lucky, then.

Anyway. I was completely crushed by the fact that none of you found the Miss Piggy challenge as utterly charmant as I did (no I wasn’t), and I fully expect to be distrait again this week when you all tell me how banal you found the gelato dress challenge (I won’t).

But I rather liked it. For one thing, I think it was a fun little way to underline the weird places we find inspiration. I actually feel like some of them could’ve done more with that – playing with the idea or the flavor of their gelato rather than just adhering so literally to the color. I realize Kara tried with her dress, and Austin said some things about going “resort” or “tribal” with his Madagascar vanilla, but it translated as more “Grecian goddess dress” than it did Madagascar anything.

And for another… it reminded me of my plan from last year to try and make my beloved croccante all’amarena gelato that I had in Naples and was going to try and replicate. Look at that. I’d totally wear that, wouldn’t you?

I’m ok with the ouster – I liked April a lot during her season, and thought she made huge strides in her time there from that diaper thing to the sophisticated dresses she did later on. But she’s been kind of a nonentity in this season. And I mean honestly, the girl’s 22. She’s got decades left to set the world on fire. It doesn’t all have to happen at once.

The win…I am not so much ok with. I think it was kind of bullshit, actually, to reward that milquetoast dressing gown Michael made, and bypass Mondo’s terrifically chic caftan and Mila’s kicky little dress. But we’ll get to that eventually.

We open at Flatotel where it seems to be the next morning, and everyone is congratulating Michael on his win. He says that this mean’s the pressure’s on him to deliver “something like, amazing? Again?” There are many things I find vaguely endearing about Michael. His tendency to upspeak? Like a thirteen year old girl? Is not one of them.

Cut to…Parsons. UnHeidi meanders out onto the runway and points out that they’re 4 challenges in and have 10 designers remaining. Good for you, UnHeidi. You just showed America that you’re every bit as good at basic math as Actual Ferreals Heidi is. She adds that this challenge is all about taste…in a very literal sense – they have to create an outfit inspired by a gelato flavor. A L’Arte del Gelato cart is there, manned by a kid Jerell refers to as “a gelato slingin’ cherub” (the more he says, the more I want to hang out with him), and they’ll each pick a flavor and get a color swatch to match it.

Michael gets to go first as last week’s winner, and he picks grapefruit. He was hoping for a ruby red, but ended up with a pale pink. He picks Mondo to go next, and Mondo selects canteloupe and gets a bright, vibrant orange. Mondo tags Mila to go third, and she picks milk and sour cherries, which is white with red spots and makes me yearn for the croccante all’amarena gelato at Fantasia Gelati in Naples. Next up is April, who lands a deep purpley blue with her selection of blueberry. Jerell boldly selects fruit of forrest and is rewarded with deep red. Kenley gets passion fruit and… I miss what color it is. Austin takes vanilla Madagascar, which, naturally, is white. Anthony selects green tea and gets minty green. Rami also gets green with his selection of kiwi, and Kara is stuck with chocolate with cayenne pepper, and its accompanying brown – the only reason anyone would ever complain about being “stuck” with chocolate and cayenne.

I’m a little disappointed that these are all fairly fruity, sorbet-esque flavors, and not more traditional gelato flavors. I’d love to have seen one of them have to design based on stracciatella, or gianduja.

UnHeidi then introduces their guest judge for the week, Diane von Furstenberg. She enters on her fabulous sexagenarian legs, wearing an awesome dress that swings like a cape, and greets the designers, and tells them they’ll only have 6 hours for the challenge. It’s the fastest challenge in Project Runway HISTORY!! She tells them “just go for it! And good luck.”

UnHeidi tells them she’ll see them on the runway in 6 hours time, and shunts them off to their workspace for 30 minutes of sketching. Michael is doing an “oversized silky draped dress with ruched sleeves.” Kenley is not going to try anything new or take major risks.

They have 30 minutes to shop at “mini Mood” which has been set up in their lounge. April has to replan quickly because Mini Mood has no black jersey. Kara is making her dress about the spiciness of the flavor rather than the color of the chocolate. Mondo doesn’t manage his time well, and doesn’t buy as much fabric as he’d like.

Five hours left. Everyone is stressing, but Michael is apparently almost done, because he has clients who sometimes need things in 45 minutes. Jerell calls Michael’s dress “a six way stretch choir robe with two seams…so easy a chimpanZEE could do it.”

Austin is going with a beachy/tribal look for his Madagascar vanilla. Kara is focusing on her color palate. April has Willy Wonka in her head, and the scene where Violet turns into a giant blueberry. Everyone is giggling and going slightly bonkers from the stress. Mila is doing something entirely without black.

And then…Michael comes up with his fabric 8 and a half inches shorter on one side because of a measuring error. Kara is having a “Make it Work” moment and sewing as though this is the last thing she’ll sew in her life. Anthony wishes he had a cocktail right now. Austin doesn’t know how they’re going to pull it off. “I hate this” he mutters in caption. Commercial.

Back. The designers are still sewing frantically, and Joanna Coles enters for her Joanna thru. She’s brought them all their gelato flavors as a snack to keep their energy up. She asks April how she can have a fashion moment if she’s staying in her comfort zone. Next, she wonders how Mondo is going to accessorize his cantaloupe dress, and they run through some options. She also wonders if Rami is “sucking up to Diane Von Furstenberg” by making a wrap skirt. She asks Michael what his secret is to working so fast, and seems skeptical when he says nothing is glued. Then she exits.

The models enter for their fitting. Austin is gluing his dress with a glue gun, and he’s ashamed to admit it. Mila doesn’t get “Passion Fruit” from Kenley’s dress, and thinks Rami’s is of questionable taste and looks like a lime explosion. Anthony thinks Mondo’s is a caftan that he could’ve designed in college. April needs to add triangle panels, and is running out of fabric.

The models take off with three hours and ten minutes remaining. Anthony has changed his design to “a more flirty, fuller, moving skirt.” Mila worries about her fabric being so sheer that you can see “all the parts.” Austin resists getting into an altercation with Kara over a sewing machine, but does give her “the look of death.” Commercial.

Back. Two hours and change remaining. Everyone’s frantic. The models come back in for another fitting. Jerell thinks Mondo’s dress “really embodies the feel of cantaloupe.” They do some accessorizing at the Neiman Marcus accessory wall. One hour. The models get shipped off to product placement land with the hair and makeup team.

Twenty nine minutes and change. April is nervous about how short her dress is. Kara’s proportions are off, and Jerell says she’s turned her skinny model into “a pregnant cupcake.” Austin sews his model into the dress because there’s no time to do a zipper. The hem of April’s dress isn’t symmetrical. Time! Commercial.

Back. UnHeidi wiggles out onto the runway and welcomes them back. She introduces the judges – Mrs. Weinstein, Isaac Mizrahi, Diane Von Furstenberg, and Miranda Kerr. Miranda will be wearing the winning designer’s look to an industry event.

Show. We open with Mondo’s cantaloupe caftan, which I adore. It’s just striking and crazy and beautiful. Next up is Anthony’s Green Tea party confection in two shades of green. Kenley’s Passion Fruit is cute – I’d totally wear it – but it’s not at all extraordinary. It’s clothes, not fashion.

Rami’s kiwi dress is shiny and cheap looking. The top is a straight mess that looks held together with tape. Mila’s sour cherry is another one I love, a drapey mini shirt dress. Jerell’s fruits of the forest (right) is zany fun. It could be worn by a celebrity on holiday or a courtesan in Game of Thrones (I realize I’ve been consistently alone when I’ve liked Jerell’s insane dresses so far, but I’m ok with that).

Kara’s dress is tiered colors…I like the concept, but the waist is too short. She looks like one of the puff ball toys my cat plays with. Michael has made a grapefruit pink satin dressing gown. It is very Norma Desmond, and kind of a yawn. April’s blueberry dress is a short, very ordinary party dress. The hem is short in front, but soooooo short in back that it’s nearly showing her model’s biiiiiidness. Austin’s Madagascar vanilla is a cute but not extraordinary Grecian thing in off white.

UnHeidi calls Austin, Rami, Jerell, and Kenley. They’re safe. Everyone else is in the top or bottom. UnHeidi hauls out the models.

They begin the critique with Kara, who talks about the layers of her dress representing layers of flavor. Mrs. Weinstein says she’s passionate when she talks, and wishes she was more passionate in the clothes. Miranda Kerr doesn’t like the ruffles, and DVF says it’s not flattering, but Mrs. Weinstein likes the back detail.

Anthony says his inspiration was the gelato melting. UnHeidi says he went too conceptual with his design, and it got messy. DVF loves the skirt and the concept. Mrs. Weinstein doesn’t like the back panels, and Miranda Kerr agrees.

Mila wanted to evoke the color contrast in her gelato. Isaac thinks it says cherry ice cream so clearly, and UnHeidi likes the lines and layers. DVF says it looks like it was done in little time. Miranda Kerr says it looks easy to wear, and she really likes it.

Michael wanted to do something beautiful. Isaac loves the dress, but isn’t mad about the color since there’s no tartness to it. Similarly, Mrs. Weinstein isn’t getting grapefruit. DVF thinks it’s beautiful and very fluid, and tells him to call her after the show. Michael’s jaw dropped. Mine would too.

April wanted to create something light, like the taste of the gelato. Mrs. Weinstein thinks the corseting was too ambitious. Isaac says it makes an impact from a distance, but the back is “really scary.” DVF says parts are very nice and others are a little bit “Halloween Spider thing.” UnHeidi thinks that her ideas are good, but don’t translate. They have her take the belt off and it reads better to them.

Mondo explains his rind sleeves and melon body. DVF thinks it’s great and Miranda Kerr says the back is to die for. Mrs. Weinstein thinks it works, and UnHeidi loves that it’s a caftan that really flatters the figure, but she doesn’t like the bright orange. Isaac wishes there was more of her body on immediate impact.

The designers are sent off so the judges can deliberate. They begin with the low scores. Anthony was ambitious, but his final product looked amateur. Kara’s explanation was great, but her interpretation was very literal. April’s dress was fresh and youthful, but it looked like “a little piece of Halloween.”

On the top, we have Michael, who’s dress was floaty and timeless, but Isaac thinks it’s “too on the nose.” Mila’s dress was wearable, but the styling was a bit heavy. It was Isaac’s favorite, but none of the ladies agree. They like the color and back detail on Mondo’s and UnHeidi liked the literal element of the sleeves, but Isaac didn’t find it sexy and didn’t like the bright orange, which is hilarious because what is Isaac wearing? A bright orange shirt.

They seem to come down to Michael and Mondo, and Isaac thinks they’re both “award winning thoughts.” They reach a decision. Commercial.

Back. UnHeidi tells Mila she’s safe. And the winner is… Michael. Oh, fuck that noise. He invites Miranda Kerr to wear the dress in Palm Springs, which is the only place that old-ass piece of non-design would ever be even remotely appropriate. Ulch. Mondo is told how close it was, and that all of the girls wanted to wear it. So now he can focus his hatred on Isaac, since Isaac is the one who apparently torpedoed his on the basis of not liking the color (that he was wearing) and not showing enough skin (so they gave it to Michael, who made another long, long sleeved dress, but put his deep V in the front rather than the back).

Anthony is safe. So it’s down to Kara and April for the ouster. April’s dress was poorly constructed and she needs to learn to move on when things aren’t working. Kara is a passionate designer, but there was no passion in the dress, and they couldn’t get past the maternity look.

Kara is…safe. Phew. I love them both, but I love Kara more. The judges tell April she has amazing potential, and that she wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t an All Star. She’s looking at the opportunity as an experience to grow, and isn’t going to give up. She’s fucking 22, for chrissakes, so it’s not like she’s out of time.

Next! Find a muse to inspire a fashion forward look. Hold it a second. Can I ask you guys a question. I think you’re gorgeous. I need those shorts right off your back. It’s so insane that she’s like in everybody’s business. She looks like someone that should be in The Lion Thing.