Project Runway All Stars: But We'll Give You Our Shirt/ And The Back To Go With It...

Poor Miss Anthony
Did not embrace the challenge
But made a great look

Good morning, dumplings. Before we say anything else, let me apologize to those of you who are still wondering where your Top Chef recap is. I had another commitment on Wednesday night, and didn’t get home until eleven, and didn’t feel like staying up to watch it...and then with this whole 2 shows/2 nights thing I didn’t have time to catch up last night…so here’s hoping we’ll get to it sometime today or tomorrow.

Now to this week on Project Runway. I really like the idea of this challenge – and you only have to look at the difference in quality between this and the opening “Clothes Off Their Backs” challenge from Season 8 to see how good the All Stars are – and having just been in Central Park a bit over a week ago, I couldn’t help thinking about what I would’ve done if a Project Runway designer had come up to me, camera crew in tow, asking for my clothes (answer: the only thing I was wearing that was even remotely interesting was my coat, and I would’ve said “no way, man, it’s fucking cold out here.”)

I…don’t really agree with the win. And it pains me to say that, because you know I love Mondo like the tiny gay Mexican brother I never had. But I really didn’t feel like his outfit this week was that exceptional. It was well made, yes, and elements of it – like the high waist on the shorts – were very characteristic of his aesthetic, which I generally love. But it didn’t produce the sort of BAM! moment on the runway that I thought Austin’s and even Rami’s did.

Similarly, I can’t get fully behind the ouster either. Yes, I understand that poor Anthony didn’t really meet the parameters of the challenge, and normally I’m a total stickler for that sort of thing. But really, he made an adorable outfit, whereas Michael made something that looked like unwashed vintage lingerie, and Jerell made a cracked out mess. I would’ve been fine with them hedging the rules, just this once. Also, I rather like Anthony, even in spite of his tendency to come across as some sort of escapee from a Tyler Perry movie, and in a season where everyone’s being fairly professional and workmanlike (and on the one hand, good on them for that, but on the other…it’s getting a bit boring to watch), he’ll be missed.

Let’s run with this, shall we?

Central Park! The designers walk up to UnHeidi, who is standing around, waiting for them, looking totally disengaged as usual. She says their next challenge is about designers and their muse. They have to find a muse to inspire a fashion forward look. It can be anyone in the Park, but there’s a twist: they have to convince the muse to give them the clothes off their back. They’ll have $150 which they can use to bribe strangers and buy fabric at Mood. At least half of their look has to come from their muse’s clothing. They have 2 days for the challenge.

So they take off across the park with 30 minutes to find a muse. A lot of them end up in Union Square and start wandering up to people, begging them for clothes. Anthony finds a woman wearing an insane colorful top, and manages to get it from her. A dude refuses to sell Rami his tank top. A lot of people seem flattered by the attention, but unwilling to give up their clothes. Kenley says there are a lot of people who don’t even want to talk to her, which may have something to do with her whole terrible cat throwing reputation. She ultimately buys a top off of a youngish mom for $50. Austin finds a girl he totally falls for as a muse, and takes a million pictures of her. Mondo finds a girl in a gorgeous dress, and she sells him her dress and coat for $60.

Kara charms a guy into giving up his polo shirt by using her accent, and we all get a shot of topless ginger in return. Thank you for that, Kara! Michael finds a girl who inspires him so much that “chickens are hatching” and “Jesus comes back.” Anthony gets a handsome shirtless man’s pants, leaving him standing about the park in a quite fitted pair of drawers (so thank you for that, Anthony!) and Austin claims to get his phone number.

Then it’s off to Mood, where they have 30 minutes and the remainder of their money. Anthony heads for the wool crepe. Jerell buys no fabric—he’s using only the fabric he got from the people in the park. People run really short on money. Kara needs $3. Commercial.

Back. Michael, Anthony, and a lady off screen (either Mila or Kenley, obvi, but I can’t tell who from the voice) contribute a dollar each to Kara. They leave Mood and head to the workroom to do some sketching and planning.

Mila is breaking down a pair of jeans because she needs to make a guy’s 34 jeans into a woman’s 2-4. Mondo says this plays to the way he learned to sew and design, by buying vintage stuff and taking it apart. Austin loves his muse. Anthony is making hot pants and a cape jacket. That sounds weirdly cute – not as something I’d wear in real life, but as something I’d totally support as a runway look and then buy and wear the elements separately.

Michael is totally stressed out and can’t figure out what to do with the crocheted top he got from his chicken hatching Jesus resurrecting muse. He’s not as inspired as he wants to be. At eleven p.m., they head out of the workspace and go back to Flatotel.

Through the magic of television, it’s suddenly the next morning and Austin is blowing his hair dry. I really like his glasses frames. Mondo thinks Michael is feeling the pressure because he’s coming off of two wins. They head back to the workspace.

Anthony is having a brainstorm and revising the plan he’s made to pants and a jacket. That sounds less weirdly runway-cute to me, somehow, and more totally ordinary. Michael has made a top and feels much better. Jerell is making separates that will show off his model’s body “in a way that’s not slutty.”

Joanna enters for her Joannathru. She begins with Mondo, who she says has “great streat style.” She points out that he hasn’t won a challenge yet, but thinks this one is in his ballpark. Jerell’s separates are kind of on crack, which makes Joanna feel “a little anxious.” “Somebody look like they’re Comin’ to America,” Anthony tells us. Sweet cultural reference. Happy Black History Month, everyone.

Austin tells Joanna how he’s trying to bring a “chic glamour” to the look his muse had. Joanna thinks the epaulettes are a bit much, and Mila thinks his work comes across as “overworked” and “a bit cheap.” Anthony shows Joanna all the loot he collected from people on the street. Now he’s making a cropped jacket he keeps revising – this seems like a bad sign. Michael’s crocheted sleeves “slightly remind” Joanna of “doilies.” She tells them all to “keep it edgy and have a great runway show.

Sew sew sew pin pin pin. Michael makes a new top that’s “architecturally really cool.” Their models enter for their fittings. Austin says Jerell’s design is “one of the most tasteless things I’ve ever seen in my life.” Jerell thinks he’s going to be in the top 3, though. Anthony still doesn’t have a garment. Commercial.

Back. Workspace. Sad surf music – like a generic version of “Sleepwalk” plays in the background as Anthony struggles to get his look together. Two hours until the end of the day. Kara worries that there are only 3 ladies left in the competition, but thinks they’re solid in this challenge. Various people take things from the accessory wall. Anthony creates a “onesie palazzo pants jumper.” That sounds promising, but not like something you could make out of bits and ends after already working through 3 false starts. At 9 p.m., they head home.

Magic of TV! We’re back at the workroom on the morning of the runway show. Anthony complains about Kenley being loud and says “if a black person says you’re loud, then you’re too loud. Michael goes and tells Mila that Kenley finished Kara’s pants. Mila says that’s not ok, and she hates how Kenley is “up in everyone’s business” today. We see a montage of Kenley being up in everyone’s business. And it starts: after a soft intro and four episodes of not being a total hosebeast, we’re back seeing Kenley being Kenley, which probably means we’ll be treated to increasing amounts of this in the rest of the series.

Hair and makeup flurry. Michael describes the look he wants as “very Sarah Jessica Parker circa 1999 meets 2002, but futuristic.” Everyone scurries through their finishing touches, and they head out to the runway. Commercial.

Back. On the runway, the UnHeidi in a rather cute blue dress introduces Mrs. Weinstein, Isaac, and Sean Avery of the New York Rangers as the judges. Sean Avery is apparently a less random choice than he might initially appear, as he’s interned with Vogue and has an interest in fashion (he also apparently has some issues, according to Wikipedia, and is no longer really with the Rangers, but then this show was filmed last summer so…that’s what happens when you leave something on the shelf this long). Show time!

First out is Michael, who’s made a lacey bathing suit thing. The idea behind it is kind of fashion, even if it’s kind of fashion “circa 1999 meets 2002,” as he himself said. But the execution is 100% grandma’s lingerie drawer – it looks like it was made out of old panties and bras that all the boning has come out of. Austin has made this very cute 40s femme fatale gone totally modern dress. Love it. Kara’s look is a pair of trim blue pants and a cute top with a kind of capey jacket. Mila has made jeans with a deconstructed t-shirt and a leather vest. It’s well done, but it’s super ordinary – walk past any Urban Outfitters and you can see twelve girls wearing this. It’s not what’s next; it may be what’s “now,” but even then it’s not high fashion “now.” It’s chain store now.

Jerell’s is just a mess. I mean. I have defended him every time so far. But this?

Nein.

Rami’s girl is wearing a kind of urban safari thing – khaki shorts and a vest with an Indiana Jones hat. It’s cute. Kenley’s girl is wearing a striped dress. I don’t like it much. Anthony has made a stunning pear of cherry red pants with a very 40s black top. Mondo’s girl is in a pair of shorts with a jacket and a bikini top.

UnHeidi calls Kenley, Mila, and Kara. They’re all safe. So none of the girls are going home tonight. She brings out the guys’ models.

Rami goes first and explains his menswear inspiration. Mrs. Weinstein thinks it’s well done, and Isaac likes the look. UnHeidi would love to see women’s suits with this much style.

Michael is up next. Mrs. Weinstein would never let her daughter wear shorts that short, and UnHeidi agrees that it’s more like a swimsuit. Isaac finds the sagginess of the top bothersome, and Sean Avery finds it too bare.

Jerell explains his look, which Isaac says looks like a costume from the Lion King. Sean Avery calls it “Lady GaGa and Gwen Stefani at Burning Man on Acid.” Mrs. Weinstein says there are good elements, but the elements don’t work together.

Mondo tells them where he got all his parts, and UnHeidi says she’d die for the outfit. Mrs. Weinstein praises the detailing in the back. Isaac loves “how bare it is and how covered it is.” Isaac has advanced fashion schizophrenia or something.

Anthony tells them about all the t-shirts he had. Sean Avery says he’d do a “double back” if he saw a woman wearing that. “Would you?” he asks Isaac. Oh, it’s a terrific joke, you see, because of Isaac being one of those homosexicles and all. Mrs. Weinstein and Isaac are concerned that he didn’t meet the parameters of the challenge because less than 50% of the fabric he used was found from his street muses.

Mrs. Weinstein likes the proportion on Austin’s look, but Sean Avery thinks it’s “too much” on the left shoulder. Isaac thinks it’s out of control, but fabulous.

UnHeidi sends the boys away so they can discuss the high scorers. Sean Avery thinks the hat made Rami’s look seem “forced.” WHOA, Sean Avery! Ok, as much as I liked Rami’s look, and the way it was styled, I think that’s pretty apt criticism: the styling was a bit “on the nose”. Actually, I think he’s done a pretty good job over all, even if the whole “six cultural references and a drug reference” was a bit “forced” in terms of being a textbook Project Runway criticism the same way the fedora with Rami’s look was a textbook styling decision. Anyway… everyone thinks Rami’s look was well made. Mrs. Weinstein was bothered by the neckline on Austin’s but Isaac praises his ability to make a girl look girly. They think Mondo’s was very modern, but maybe too stylish. The hell? That’s perhaps the nitpickiest criticism in any season of this show, ever. “Your clothes are too stylish.” Come on. Given ten seconds of thought, I’m sure they could come up with a better criticism than that, and still justified giving him the win (spoiler alert).

For the bottom group, Mrs. Weinstein sees a thought process she likes in Jerell’s, but Isaac says you can’t show that much stomach. Sean Avery says he “put his head down and went for it”. They’re really stretching to find nice abstractions to justify keeping Jerell in. They can’t understand the mistakes Michael made, and Sean Avery feels bad for his model. They think Anthony was lazy, because he didn’t use fabric from the street and his outfit has nothing to do with the muse. But they do love the outfit. They reach a decision. Commercial.

Back. UnHeidi declares Rami safe. It’s between Mondo and Austin for the win, and the winner is…Mondo. He has a very subdued reaction to the win, which he says feels “so, so good.” Austin is also in.

UnHeidi tells Jerell he’s safe. So it’s down to Michael and Anthony. Michael clearly had a tough time with the challenge, and had serious construction issues – something that bold has to be perfect. Anthony made a nice outfit, but didn’t embrace the spirit of the challenge. Anthony… is out. Michael is safe.

They hug, Michael sobs and says he’s sorry. Anthony tells him that he’s smiling, so there’s no reason Michael should be crying. “And I have cute shoes,” he adds. “You have cute shoes,” Michael agrees moistly. Anthony interviews that he’ll miss the designers because he’s met some beautiful people. He tells Michael to dry the tears and fight harder.

Next. Let’s make this a fashion face off! This is like wrestlemania. Well, fashion mania. Michael is cutting the same jacket as me. There’s a cozy spot for him in the bottom. This look didn’t push any creative boundaries. These two looks are so similar.