Project Runway All Stars: There's No Truth In The Rumor/ So Make Sure That It Stays...A Love For All Seasons

(five imaginary Jordan Baker points to the first person who can name the embarrassing ‘90s song reference, children)

Oh, Rami Kashou
So big and muscle-y
So long, quiet man.

A few weeks ago when I was in New York, I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for what was essentially the first time (because really, we shouldn’t count that trip when I was 24 and scared of my hostel and walked in, burst into tears, and promptly headed up to Worcester, MA, to see the idiot I was seeing at the time [because "Everyone Gets Laid in Worcester, MA" ™ ). I was wandering around, trying to see all the things featured in From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, and I saw this statue:

…and I thought “hey, remember that one episode of Project Runway where they had to be inspired by things at this museum, and Rami was inspired by this statue to make a draped dress just like every draped dress he’d made that season?”

("That one episode" was apparently four years ago minus one week. I have been doing this shit way too long)

I know I ragged on Rami – consistently – during his season for making the same dress over and over and over again, right down to the detail of the asymmetry always being on the same side (was it left?). And as I was flipping through his gallery this morning prior to writing my little introductory spiel, I realized that he has shown a lot of growth this season. He made two seriously great , really structured outfits – last week and in week one – one dress that was right for the challenge he made it for (Miss Piggy) even if it was a little cray-cray for a normal person, and two dresses and this outfit that, for better or for worse, used his draping skills to involve looser, draped elements against the background of more structured pieces.

All in all, it’s not a bad showing, but when it got down to him versus Austin, I knew he was doomed even though I personally though his look was better. Rami was a favorite in his season of Project Runway. Austin – Austin of the first season and the corn husk dress and the subbing in for the model during the Post Office challenge and the unfair auffing in the Nancy O’Dell challenge – is one of the show’s legends. A favorite doesn’t stand a chance against a legend.

So farewell and best wishes to Rami. I hope he continues to evolve and expand his repertoire, using the elements that make his looks truly him, but in more varied ways than making the same purple draped gown with the left side asymmetry over and over again.

The other event of the episode, clearly, was the whole Jerell versus Michael giant coat showdown. I mean… on the one hand, you’re told to make a Winter sportswear look. Clearly most people are going to make some sort of outerwear as part of that; giant coats are kind of a thing right now. It could just be an honest mistake.

On the other hand…team Jerell all the way. I have always had an uneasy alliance with Michael Costello. I’ve been on his side mostly because he’s Mondo’s friend (and any friend of Mondo’s is a friend of mine. Have I mentioned the time I made paella for Mondo? I have? Sorry about that, rambling on again) and because the people who were against him were led by Wretched Gretchen and her hosebeast sidekick Ivy.

But I also don’t think I’ve made any secret of the fact that I find him and his woe is me antics thoroughly annoying, and his clothes not my thing. And here, he’s not against two rancid bitches. He’s against Jerell, who I find endlessly amusing, even if I don’t always “get” his style. And in this case, Jerell clearly had his coat all but finished and was trying out the sleeve length on Kenley before making the exact same coat even occurred to Michael.

Let’s look at how the whole thing happened, shall we?

Morning at the Flatotel. Mondo jokes about having had a crush on Kenley until she started talking. He loves to push her buttons. They head out to Parsons, where UnHeidi greets them with a bunch of bags. I want the orange one in her right hand. Anyway, she tells them that they’re 8 weekend getaway bags, and each designer gets to pick one.

Since Mondo won last week, he gets to pick first. HE PICKS THE ONE I LOVE. This is yet another sign that we are kindred spirits. Yay! The designers all pick bags and then sit back down. UnHeidi tells them that in their bags, they’ll find a luggage tag with one of the four seasons – so each season will have two designers assigned to it, and they’ll be competing head to head against each other. They have to create sportswear for a weekend getaway during their season. There will be a high scoring outfit and a low scoring one for each season. They’ll have $200 and one day to create their look. They have to think about who their girl is, and where she’s going for her getaway. And they don’t have to use the bags.

Through the magic of television, we’re transported to their workspace at 1407 for 30 minutes to sketch. I often wonder how much of their “day” they use up in being shuttled about from Parsons to the workspace to Mood and back to the workspace. Bussing a number of people and all the camera crap around New York three times a day can’t be an easy task. And you know they can’t just be walking or using public transit, or the spoilers about who’s still in at various points would go wild. Anyway, they sketch. Mila’s girl is a “New Yorker who’s going to Marfa Texas” for an art festival. Austin’s is a New Yorker heading out to a Spring weekend at her country house.

Then it’s off to Mood, for 30 minutes of shopping. Jerell is looking for wool. Michael is trying to shop for multiple plans. Rami’s woman is spending the weekend wine tasting with her best friend. Time! Thank you Mood!

Back to 1407 and down to work. Jerell is starting on his coat. He and Michael are facing off for Winter, and Michael is planning a geometric jacket with a tie.

Mila is designing a(nother) skinny jean, but with a cape this time. Rami, her competition, is not threatened by her design. Mondo is making pants and a top, but he’s not feeling too confident. His competition is Kenley, whose girl is going to Miami for an art festival. These girls go to a lot of art festivals. Mondo feels like Kenley does the same thing over and over.

Jerell sees Michael working on a high backed vest, which doesn’t work out well. Michael scraps that idea because it doesn’t work out. Mondo’s pants aren’t coming out well. Commercial.

Back. The designers are hard at work on their weekend getaway looks. Mondo doesn’t know what he’s doing. He and Kenley both have polka dots. He’s going back and forth between shorts and a mini skirt. Kenley tries Jerell’s jacket on for him to check the sleeve length. Shortly after she does this, Michael starts making the same jacket. Mila thinks that Michael’s copying was not intentional, but happened because he felt lost since he doesn’t do sportswear or Winter. Wait, wha? I understand that some designers do sportswear and some do gowns and so on, but how can you just not do one of the seasons? Even if you’re making essentially the same gowns or whatever, but using deeper, richer colors or slightly heavier fabrics, or making a goddamn wrap to go with them, doesn’t that qualify as “doing” Winter? Do Michael’s clients all go nude from November to March? Do they show up on the red carpet in nothing but their borrowed jewelry, and tell Giuliana Rancic that their dress is a Michael Costello?

Joannathru! She enters and begins with the Spring group, Kara and Austin. Kara’s going for “Palm Beach casual chic” with some high waisted culotte pants. Austin is making high waisted khakis. For summer, Mondo is doing a tribute to his mom’s 60^th birthday, since it’s that day and he can’t be there. So he’s making the outfit his girl is wearing to his mom’s party. He says that though Kenley’s the polka dot queen, he’s the polka dot princess. Joanna’s dying to know who will win the war of the polka dots.

Joanna says the pants are Mila’s “signature piece,” which is the nice way of saying “gurl, you make the same pants every week.” Mila hates the colors in Rami’s look. I kind of do too – he’s using an electric blue and a very acidy green, and I can’t help thinking that they’d probably look great in more expensive fabrics (I literally almost typed “espensive” there. My fingers are developing an accent), but not in stuff you can buy for under $200.

Michael can’t “find” his sketch to show Joanna how his idea for the jacket transpired. Jerell admits to Joanna that the similarities in their looks bother him. Joanna pulls everyone in for a team chat about the whole issue. Kenley knows she tried Jerell’s on early in the process. Joanna asks if it’s wrong to use a better idea if you see someone else doing it. Ultimately, she just says “may the best man win.” Michael isn’t going to change what he’s doing, and thinks the entire thing with the Joanna pow-wow is bullshit.

It’s seven o’clock, and the designers start working frantically. Mila is working on her cape. I haven’t said this yet, but looking at Mila’s sketches throughout the process, I’d wear the hell out of her cape if she pulls it off. I L-O-V-E a good cape – I have a full length camel colored one that was my mom’s in the ‘70s, and Mila’s idea strikes me as a sportier, slightly more versatile version of that.

Michael and Mondo take a break to eat and gossip. Michael thinks people are hating on him because he’s “doing good.” They fall silent when Jerell enters the green room. Mondo says it feels like dinner at his family’s house. “Spaghetti?” Michael asks. “No. Awkward,” Mondo replies. Love him. Michael and Jerell argue. Michael leaves in a pout. “Clearly it’s going to be an interesting runway,” Jerell says. “Clearly,” Mondo replies. Commercial.

Back. Morning of runway. Mila is adding black leather binding to the seams of her cape. She’s definitely sweating it. Rami is accessorizing his look from the wall. He and Jerell talk shit about Michael. Michael says this is a side of Jerell he hasn’t seen before. Ok, Princess Pouty Pants – so it’s fine for you and Mondo to go off and eat spaghetti and talk shit about Jerell, but totally unacceptable and some sort of bad “side” for Jerell and Rami to accessorize and talk shit about you? Grow up.

The models wander in for their fittings, and then rush off to hair and make-up. There’s a new Asian stylist at the L’Oreal salon, and I can’t tell if he has a very severe point on his goatee, or if just looks like he does because of the way he’s standing in front of the L’Oreal sign. Like is that his beard, or the horizontal on the L in L’oreal?

Back to the workroom with five minutes. Jerell gives his picks for the top: Rami, Kara, and Mondo for the other seasons. Presumably, he picks himself for his season. Mondo thinks he has this one in the bag. Commercial.

Back. UnHeidi waltzes out and introduces the judges: Mrs. Weinstein, Isaac, and guest judge award winning designer Cynthia Rowley. I love Cynthia Rowley’s sleek bob and precise chin. She’s so WASPtastic.

Time for the show! The Spring looks come out together first. Austin’s is a pair of high waisted khakis with a hiddy pink cardigan. Also, the pants are kind of cropped. They are high waisted and cropped, making them all of my least favorite things about pants rolled into one tidy little khaki package. Kara (left) has made white palazzo pants with a nice fuschia top and a grey swing sweater. It’s much better – it’s not ground breaking style or anything, but a real person could wear it without looking like an escapee from a Connecticut insane asylum.

Next up is Summer. Kenley has made a blue and white polkadot romper. I find it horrible, but I hate onesie rompers for grown women. I can’t imagine wearing something that infantilizing (and also, they would probably really highlight how unbalanced my legs are). Mondo (right) has made tweedy looking shorts with a black and white polka dot top. I love the shorts, though the top is an issue.

Rami’s Fall look is some grey/blue pants with a very bright blue jacket and a green turtleneck peeping out. Mila (left) has made her skinny jeans with a red top and her cape. I still love the idea of Mila’s so much better; Rami may have it on her in execution. I’d still give the win to Mila, though.

Finally it’s Winter. Jerell’s look walks first – a big grey jacket with a cardi and skinny jeans. Love it. Michael (right) has a less impressive grey jacket over a belted sweater and leggings. It’s also good, but less special to me, though Michael thinks his looks like Jackie Kennedy would wear it, while Jerell’s looks like Moses. I do not understand the Moses reference, and I do not think Michael’s outfit would pass muster in my daily “WWJD?” dressing routine. Merely slapping giant sunglasses on a brunette does not make her look Jackie-esque.

The judges start with Spring and Summer, sending fall and winter backstage. They begin with Austin (left). Cynthia says it’s “almost so dorky it’s cool.” Isaac says the look “goes a little moderate” and “a little boring.” Mrs. Weinstein can’t see a modern woman in it, and UnHeidi says it looks “small town going to church.” She thinks Kara’s is wearable and comfortable, but Cynthia Rowley doesn’t see anything original about it. Isaac doesn’t feel it unless the model is running out to the store, but Mrs. Weinstein wouldn’t mind wearing it. She had the higher score for spring, though it was very close.

Cynthia Rowley really likes Kenley’s dorky romper (right). So does Isaac. Mrs. Weinstein says she needs to have lined her fabric up better, and UnHeidi would love to wear it. Cynthia Rowley is confused by the styling and top on Mondo’s, and sighs about the back. Isaac thinks it goes “a little junior,” and Mrs. Weinstein says the short is not as flattering as last week. Isaac says the top is “very Desperately Seeking Susan.” Like this is a bad thing, Isaac? That movie was awesome. Kenley has the high score. Huh.

Mondo cries in the green room, while the judges see the other two seasons. They ask Rami to open the jacket on his. Isaac wishes Rami would get rid of the green in the blouse, and thinks the neckline is sloppy. Cynthia says the diagonal line with the shirring makes the model’s boobs look lopsided. Mrs. Weinstein doesn’t think Mila’s look is exciting, but she sees her in it. Cynthia Rowley finds her look chic and wearable. Yay!

Finally, it’s winter. “These two looks are so similar. How did that come about?” Mrs. Weinstein asks. Jerell explains that they got “struck by the same creative bug…” he just got there a few hours faster than Michael. Michael claims not to have noticed. Isaac thinks Jerell’s coat is gorgeous, but wishes the cardigan didn’t have buttons. Cynthia Rowley loves it and thinks it’s true to his style. Isaac finds Michael’s leggings with shoes “nasty,” and wishes he’d used a boot. Cynthia Rowley says it’s more of an ensemble, and that his model is dressed like Jerell’s model’s mom. And the high score for winter is Jerell. Yay! They send the designers off so they can deliberate.

They begin with the high scores. Cynthia Rowley found Kenley’s confident, and thought it had a lot of impact. Mrs. Weinstein thinks she needs to change up her look a bit more. Isaac didn’t think Mila’s fabric looked expensive at all, and Mrs. Weinstein has some issues with her jeans. UnHeidi loved Jerell’s looks, but Isaac thinks it looked Anthropologie and his buttons were a little jokey. Mrs. Weinstein says Kara’s was “a perfectly ok look,” and Isaac says it has no style at all.

On the flip side… Isaac thought Austin’s pants were the best thing in the show today (srsly?) but everything else was so bad. UnHeidi thinks this is not Mondo’s best look, and Cynthia Rowley hates everything about it. Mrs. Weinstein says it’s a “very good look,” just not as good as last week’s. Rami’s colors make UnHeidi ill. Mrs. Weinstein loves the jacket, but Isaac says it looks like a draping project. Isaac says design is not Michael’s strongest thing; execution of a design is. Cynthia thinks he seems very insecure, and Mrs. Weinstein has no sense of what they’d get in a collection from him.

They’ve reached a decision, and call the designers back out. We cut to commercial.

Back. UnHeidi tells Mila and Kara that they’re safe. It’s between Kenley and Jerell for the win. And Jerell, praise Jebus, is the winner. Yayyyy! He thanks them, and says it feels fantastic that the judges could tell “the real McCoy” from “the doppelganger on the runway.” That Jerell throws the word doppelganger around as easily as he throws shade makes me love him all the more.

UnHeidi lets Kenley leave too. Then she tells Michael and Mondo that they’re safe. Aye, dios mio. It’s down to Rami and Austin. Rami’s neckline had too much bulk and his shirt looked like a mistake. Austin’s trousers were impeccable, but the look didn’t push any creative boundaries, and the styling missed the mark.

And Rami is…out. Sigh of relief from Austin before he goes and kisses Rami on both cheeks. He doesn’t hug him, because no one can get their arms around Rami’s bulked up torso. Rami thanks the judges, and says life will go on and the universe will take care of him in its own way. He says All Stars gave him more exposure, and was a great platform to showcase some work.

Next: this week, we’re on Broadway. Don’t look stuck, you can do it. You’ve just got to push yourself. That is a very Kenley print. Broadway!