Project runway All Stars: It's Electric (Boogie Oogie Oogie)

Electric tutu
Tribal meets technology
Jerell is now out.

Good morning, fiberoptics. How are you doing this morning?

Me? Oh, ok. You know how the worst mistake you can possibly make when you wake up half an hour before your alarm is to go back to sleep? I made that mistake this morning. Five-oh-three? Oh, I should get up szzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Five-thirty-three? DEATH TO THE ALARM CLOCK!

Anyway, the whole thing has cast a pale light of unreality over the proceedings this morning, and it’s keeping me from fully processing my sadness about Jerell’s ouster last night.

Because I am sad, my little Neon Ninja Warriors. I like Jerell, even when I haven’t liked his clothes. And frankly, I’ve liked his clothes a lot more often than most – they’re the sorts of things that even when I wouldn’t wear them (which, yes, is most of the time. Small brunette women should never wear “ethnic*” prints. “Ethnic” prints should only be worn by those who are obviously “ethnic,” or by those whose ethnicity is best described as WASP. Those of us who are in that weird middle ground –probably plain white, but people often think you might be Jewish or Mexican or Native depending on what part of the country you’re in and how tan you are at the time – should avoid them like the plague), I’ve been able to see some weird, raw beauty in them.

*Have I mentioned how much I hate the term “Ethnic print”? It sticks in my craw the same way “Asian food” or “Latin food” does, because it's a meaningless term. We’re ALL ethnic, people. We all have some sort of ethnicity, even if it’s only “various shades of whitey.” If you mean that the print is influenced by African or Indian or Native American cultures, just fucking come out and say it. Don’t try to create this monolith of “ethnic” that encompasses all non-white cultures. It’s gross. And yes, I just made a footnote on a parenthetical tangent. Deal with it.

But on the other hand… it was time. In fact, I can see the argument that it was overdue. Jerell is one of those contestants who puts a hot mess out on the runway often enough that I sometimes wonder if he’s doing it on purpose to fuck with the judges – you know: “I am going to make the craziest, most cracked out shit I can think of, and just watch these people dig for a reason to keep me in this competition. And I’m gonna laugh and laugh and laugh.”

And on the third hand (shhhh: I’m an Indian goddess): I wish they’d managed to dig up a reason to keep him one more time. Because I like Jerell, and the pity I once had for poor, put upon Michael Costello has long since passed, and I found his Glow In The Dark Horse Warrior of the Dothraki (#nerd) costume a lot more egregious than Jerell’s Electric Ballerina in a Gramma Skirt. You hike up the skirt on Jerell’s and it’s fine. There’s no equivalent quick-fix for those tacky-ass chaser lights on Michael’s look.

Oh well. Let’s just wander through the history of how this all came to pass, shall we?

Morning. We skip the usual Flatotel “peak into their lives” nonsense and skip right to Parsons, where UnHeidi greets the 5 remaining All Stars, and tells them that this week’s challenge will be the biggest test of their skills so far. They’ll have to “light up the runway with your designs” by using lighting technology to make an avant garde look that will be shown on a black-lit runway. They’ll have access to all kinds of lighting effects. And their guest judge is Pharrell, for some reason. Because when I think avant garde glow in the dark fashion, I think Pharrell (no I don't). And part of the prize is for the look to be “used” by one of his artists.

I find it significant that they never specify what sort of artist, or what kind of context it’ll be "used" in. I mean, it could be “used” by some total unknown to pick up her kid at school, and he’d have fulfilled the parameters of this extremely nebulous contract.

Anyway, they’ll have $300 at the lighting store for equipment, and another $100 at Mood. And the show is tomorrow night.

The designers head off to the Barbizon Light and Special Effect shop with 30 minutes to shop for their lighting effects. Jerell is drawn to magnetic LED lights and “fiberoptic light things.” Austin plans to “scatter and weave delicate strings of lights” throughout his garment. Mondo says that Austin has become high maintenance and a prima donna. Then Austin fog bombs the universe with an aerosol hairspray, and gives an interview about making life a fairy tale. Kenley has to adjust her original plan after her first batch of lights comes in at $700, so she plans to make a plaid out of neon tapes.

Next it’s off to Mood. Michael C. is buying felt, which is outside his comfort zone because it’s stiff. Mondo is smart enough to test his fabrics with the blacklight to see how they read. Kenley is looking for stiffness for volume, and black so that the neon tape will pop. Austin has a very clear vision in his mind of a “grand, dramatic, light and airy ball gown,” so he’s buying black tulle despite having used that in the past. Jerell buys prints because he wants neon colors and stark whites that will pop.

After shopping, it’s back to their workspace where they spread out and take 30 minutes to sketch. Austin is thinking “magical, dazzling, windswept” like a starry sky. The production crew has also created a whole dark room where they can check out their looks in the blacklight. Jerell has a fringe that looks like “liquid electricity,” and says his look is definitely going to be true to who he is.

Michael C. is pushing himself by making a coat dress, which is much more structured than his usual look. Mondo is trying to let the fabric speak to him, but the fabric’s not saying anything. Kenley is taping down stripes to create her plaid for a ball gown. Michael C.’s jacket is not coming together the way he wants, so he doesn’t want to continue with it, and the day’s almost gone. He says he has “severe commitment issues when it comes to fashion.” Commercial.

This is where they showed the ad for Awake, and I got super excited about watching it. And I was RIGHT to be super excited. So good.

Back. Work work work, glow glow glow. Austin tells Michael C. that his dress is “looking gorgeous by the way. It’s Judy Jetson.” He means this as a compliment, and Michael claims to take it as such. Then Michael starts another new dress.

Joannathru! She says this is the most “electrifying” challenge in Project Runway history. Hahahahaha oh, Joanna, that was weak. Then she goes for a chat with Kenley. Kenley explains the plaid she’s making. Mondo interviews that he likes Kenleys’ design, but that glow tape isn’t a very impressive way of incorporating lights.

Jerell is making some sort of light up peplum with magnetic lights. He says he’d love for this to be his second win, but worries that his dress could either be “fabulous or fugly.” Joanna thinks Austin’s looks “part alien, part Elizabethan,” but wonders if the dramatic gown is “too romantic for Pharell?”

She heads into the dark room to see Michael, who is making some sort of headpiece with a hole for a ponytail to come out. She tells him that the rippling on his tape is the sort of flaw that’s going to be very obvious. She cautions Mondo not to rest on his laurels, and advises him to “bring your Mondo like focus to it.”

Joanna leaves and the designers get back to work. Jerell has made some sort of insane feathery light up tutu. It’s truly bananas. I kind of love it when it's shown like it is in the picture at right, without all the heavy black cloth and weird styling choices weighing it down.

The models come in for their fitting. Mondo doesn’t have anything to put on his girl yet. Austin says Jerell’s design is “just weird and very poorly constructed.” Mondo says that Michael is turning his model into an Ewok with his crazy hat thing. Michael then makes another dress. “Michael just creates six different looks, and then picks which one he wants to use,” Kenley tells us. Mondo likes Kenley’s design but doesn’t think making the same dress in a glow tape plaid is different enough.

Austin skypes with his mom, who is INSANELY young looking, and her house has been foreclosed on. He cries, and hopes he doesn’t let her down. He wants to win this for her and for their family. Well, after that we can safely say that he’s either out tonight or in until the very last. Commercial.

Back. Mondo gets a vision of what he wants to show and starts executing it with energy and passion. Soon, it’s time to leave for the night…and we’re back at the Flatotel. Everyone’s exhausted, but they talk about what they’ve got left to do and drink some wine.

Then, through the magic of television, it’s the next morning, and they’re back at the workspace. Kenley has to weave fairy lights into the grid jacket she made. Michael C. is starting to get nervous. The models enter. Mondo is having technical issues with the lights not lighting up. “It’s going to be a process today,” he warns his model. Austin is surprised that he doesn’t see “tons of new creative ideas going on in Mondo’s dress.”

The models get their weekly trip through product placement land. Kenley puts her girl in a bubblegum pink bob wig.

30 minutes left. Mondo’s dress isn’t lighting up. Michael C. tells his model not to sweat because she’ll get electrocuted. They accessorize and talk shit about each other’s looks, and then head off to Parsons. Commercial.

Back. It’s runway time, and UnHeidi introduces the judges: Mrs. Weinstein, Isaac, and Pharrell, who was somehow voted best dressed man in the world. He is wearing a t-shirt and a baseball cap. It is not exactly what I think of when I think "best dressed man in the world." (my vote for that would go to the impeccable Savile Row suits worn by D.I. Chandler in Whitechapel, though. I am staid as fuck)

Mondo’s dress is a cocktail dress with these really sculpted Madonna boobs lined out in neon tape. Jerell’s is two layers of feathered nonsense over a black skirt, and his model has a lightbulb in her mouth.

Kenley has made a ‘50s is dress with a huge cage jacket over it. Between the neon and the styling, it’s a very Nicki Minaj look, but I like it. Austin’s is like a costume for the moon in a rock ballet…put on by an amateur company. I mean, it’s beautiful, but it just doesn’t look terribly well made to me.

And we close with Michael, who has made a coat lined with neon tape, with chaser lights going off in four different directions all over it. “There’s no way I could go home for something this cool,” he says, but Isaac’s face tells a different story.

The designers assemble on the runway. UnHeidi brings out the models and brings down the lights, and they start the question and answer session with Kenley. Pharrell likes the shape of her outfit, but wishes the lights had been used in the piece rather than draped around the caging. It’s one of his favorites, though. Isaac thinks its divine, and likes the way she’s given the girl volume on top and on the bottom without making her look huge. UnHeidi loves the thoughtful creation of the plaid.

Moving to Mondo, he explains the casings he’s made for the lights. Mrs. Weinstein sees a lot of him in the dress, but thinks it’s Tron-esque. Isaac wonders how avant garde it is, but Pharrell likes the boobs – he likens them to a Cadillac, where UnHeidi sees the Madonna reference and Isaac, bizarrely, sees a Teletubby. That’s a real range of images there. The boobs on Mondo’s dress are like Rorschach boobs – what you see in them says more about you than about the boobs themselves.

Austin explains his starlight/galaxy plan. UnHeidi sees the inspiration, but wishes the lights had been spread out more through the dress. Isaac loves it and finds it mysterious. Mrs. Weinstein thinks its romantic but worries that it’s “just lights put on a gorgeous dress.”Mrs. Weinstein likes the movement in Jerrell’s “tribal meets technology” look. Isaac finds the light in her mouth “weirdly sexy” but thinks some of the design goes “joke store. Pharrell says that because of the long skirt under the light up skirt, the styling came off as “like grandma” but a grandma who used to model 20 or 30 years ago. They have him shorten the skirt and like it better.

Michael explains his “Neon Ninja Warrior Princess,” idea. Isaac likes the idea, but hates the execution – the tape looks like tape and all the chaser lights are too busy. Mrs. Weinstein says he should have edited himself. UnHeidi likes the shoulders, but Pharrell says it’s “Mortal Kombat meets Grace Jones” and only appropriate for Comicon.

UnHeidi sends the designers off so that the judges can deliberate. The highs are Austin, Kenley, and Mondo. Pharrell found Mondo’s use of different lighting materials more harmonious than the others. Mrs. Weinstein liked the proportion of Kenley’s, but Pharrell found the visible wires woven through the wicker coat cheap looking. Austin took a different approach by not going “futuristic, neon,” but there’s a degree to which the lights are just laid on top of the dress.

They start the low scorers with Jerell, whose dress had potential and energy, but he buried it with that long skirt. Mrs. Weinstein feels like he made half an outfit, and Isaac is still seeing joke store. Isaac didn’t see “any pretty woman walk down the runway” with Michael’s, and Mrs. Weinstein says she didn’t start seeing all the problems until the girl was standing still on the runway. Commercial.

Back. UnHeidi tells Mondo he’s safe and can leave the runway. Either Austin or Kenley is the winner. Pharrell gets to announce it, and it’s…Austin! One of Pharrell’s artists will wear the design (to the grocery store or something). He’s through to next week and one step closer to the grand place. He cries that Pharrell called him a star.

UnHeidi tells Kenley her design was pretty incredible too, and sends her off

Michael used the technology well, but the execution fell short. Jerrell’s design had great movement, but he made half an outfit. And Jerrell is…out.

Michael does his typical dramatic hand to the mouth gesture, then gets to leave the runway. Jerrell is thrilled to have gotten to do this again. He says what’s important is that he likes what he does. He says it is what it is, and he had fun. He’s proud of himself for making it this far in the competition given who he was up against.

And there are no previews because of the stupid designers tell all show.