Top Chef: Congratumalations, Paul

Congratulations
Paul, clear winner from the start
Top Chef domination.

I’m trying to sort out what’s more predictable, my congees. That Paul – who has been kicking ass and taking names in this contest since day one, winning an amazing number of challenges and an unprecedented amount of money – would turn out to be the winner of Top Chef: Texas…

….or that Bravo, which has bollocksed up its pictures consistently and not even been arsed to make show shots available since the Charlize Theron episode would bollocks up its website so badly that clicking on any of the left hand navigation links on its Top Chef main page that might be expected to take you to photos or videos would automatically redirect you RIGHT BACK to said main page, creating an endless loop of frustration and YET ANOTHER post where you’re only getting pictures of the Food. And this time, you’re not even getting Paul’s official bio picture to go with it because guess what? THE LINK TO THE BIOS DOESN’T WORK.

(seriously, it’s like the different departments at Bravo are in cahoots to drive me away from this show. The production end makes a lackluster program, designed to destroy my interest. The casting folks pick a punch of bland chefs with midrange talent. And the web interns just go on fucking strike and refuse to do their job, making putting aesthetically pleasant recaps together an impossible dream)

Anyway. I’m seriously glad Paul won – I’ve been pulling for him since he told us that insane story about how dealing pot and having dog shit all over the place drove him to culinary school. If I ever find myself in Texas (which will be a horrible, horrible accent), I will totally check out his restaurant.

At the same time, though, it’s hard to have any sort of strong reaction to such an easily forecast outcome. The only brief moment of dramatic tension I felt during this episode was when they showed the results of their “who should win?” poll during the commercial, and Paul was trouncing Sarah so hugely that I worried that they’d try to pull off a MASSIVE UPSET storyline. And that was a very short lived concern.

So I come out of this season feeling happy for Paul, but it’s not the same sort of elated happiness I’ve had when a chef I've been rooting for has won in the past. It’s more of a relieved happiness, and this time, I’m relieved both that Paul won and that this interminable season – with its stupid twists -- is finally over. It’s been a long four months, folks. Long enough that it makes me hope it’ll be at least four more months before any other iteration of Top Chef shows up on our screens again, because it’s going to take me that long to want to watch it again.

Let’s look at how this worked out, though.

We open pretty much back where we left off – on the night Lindsay left, at Judges’ table with Padma telling them that there’s one challenge left. Tom says that the challenge will be to create a 4 course meal and the restaurant of their dreams. They’ll be cooking at two of Vancouver’s finest restaurants, and have outstanding sous chefs. And they’ll hear more tomorrow.

And through the magic of television, voila, it’s tomorrow. Paul and Sarah sit around their hotel suite and talk about who their possible sous chefs are as we watch the kitchen where the soustestants are filing in – they are, predictably, some chefs who competed in the season (but only Grayson and the ones who got cut before she did), and, less predictably, some who got cut before the final 16 (Tyler the douchebag, the vegan guy, and the girl with the rockabilly glasses). And less predictably yet, there’s also Barbara Lynch and Marco Canora. They’ll all create a dish to earn a spot to cook as a sous chef for the final two. They have 45 minutes to create a dish.

Sous flurry! Heather is back and talking as usual. Tyler Stone, the asshole, says that “the first round, nobody got the full picture of Tyler Stone.” He’s right – before I just thought he was a douche. Now that I know he refers to himself in the third person, I think he’s a superdouche.

Back in their hotel, Sarah and Paul are having what seems like a very calm conversation, but they’re both nervous. Paul says he has to stay focused and finish strong. We cut back to the kitchen where the prospective sous are putting finishing touches on their dishes. Paul is surprised to see Tyler, Ashley, and Colin from the Alamo, Sarah thinks it’s crazy to see Barbara Lynch and Marco Canora, who both have Beard awards.

So the deal is they get to taste all the dishes the prospective sous chefs have made, and pick their favorite four. The chefs who cooked those will become their sous chefs. Four sous is a pretty good deal. Paul picks first and takes Butter soup, which is Barbara Lynch. Sarah picks a halibut, which is Nyesha’s. She’s psyched to have her because she’s so good at sauces. Paul’s next pick is noodles and shellfish, which is Ty-lör’s. Yay, I get to use the umlaut again! His beard has expanded further than ever. Sarah picks a scallop she thinks she recognizes as Heather’s, since it’s on her restaurant’s menu. But… it’s Tyler Stone. “That’s unfortunate,” Heather stage whispers. “Not lettin’ you butcher,” Sarah tells him. Next Paul takes a lamb, which is Malibu Chris. Sarah gets dumplings next, which is Heather. With Paul’s last pick, he takes crab, which is Keith. And Sarah goes with Pasta Carbonara, which is Grayson.

Padma points out that they both missed out on Marco, but he’ll be joining the judges for dinner tomorrow night. So looking at their line ups, Paul has three of the dude chefs, two of whom were on his (losing) team at Restaurant Wars, and James Beard Award winner Barbara Lynch. Sarah has three of the lady chefs, only one of whom was still in the competition to be on her (winning) Restaurant Wars team, and ….Tyler Stone.

The chefs have 6 hours today and 3 tomorrow before serving 100 guests and judges. The teams split up and talk menus. Sarah tells her team it has to be “no drama, fun.” She’s doing German and Italian food, but still says it’s “totally outside her comfort zone.” Yeah, German and Italian is way out of her comfort zone. The same way brushing my teeth and putting my contacts in are out of my contact zone, as they are also things I do every single freaking day of my life. Paul is honored to be cooking with Barbara Lynch, but determined not to let her talk him into things. Tyler tries to convince Sarah that she should be sous vide-ing her pickled vegetables. “This is not the time to do new shit you don’t know,” Heather says. Commercial.

Back. The chefs head out shopping to Granville Market with 45 minutes and a budget of $2,500. Is that American dollars, or Canadian? Is there even a difference any more? Sarah’s strategy with Tyler is to give him very precise things to do and “make him feel like I actually give a shit.” I think that’s pretty well managed. Paul grabs prawns and shrimps to give himself options. Sarah is getting persimmons to go with veal cheek.

They head out to the Whole Foods next with an additional 45 minutes. Paul talks about how he started cooking after failing out of college. I wonder where the drug dealing and dog shit story fits in.

Sarah’s team hits Black & Blue with her head going 80 different ways. She’s trying to lead the team to make things as though she was the one making it. Paul is excited to be cooking at Coast. He’s concerned that none of his sous know the type of food he’s doing, and he thinks he’ll have to watch them closely. He runs through his courses. Sarah runs through hers. As usual, we’ll do these when the judges eat them, not as we go along. Sarah's comforted to have her girls, who are “rockin’ it.” She is less comforted to have Tyler, who she can’t keep “wrangled in with the team.”

Twenty-nine minutes. Barbara Lynch swears a lot. Grayson thinks Sarah is an amazing chef as well as person. Time rings and everyone toasts. Sarah and Paul go to a wine tasting with Tom and Emeril to pick Terlato wines to go with their food. Emeril tells them to take a snapshot from Restaurant Wars so they don’t repeat the same mistakes. Paul is trying to do so by taking a strong lead right from the beginning.

Back at the hotel, Sarah calls her fiancé on a product placement phone.

The next morning, they rush back to the restaurants with their teams. They have 3 hours to cook for 100 people. Sarah wonders why Tyler is wearing dress pants and dress shoes. “Does he know he’s gonna cook?” she wonders.

Over at Coast, Paul assigns stations to his sous chefs. Barbara Lynch says Paul has “passion, drive wisdom,” and that working with him in the kitchen is “an amazing opportunity.”

Food flurry. The Lorax struts across the bottom of the screen, encouraging me to see his movie. It’s in “tree” D, if you didn’t know. Keith tastes Paul’s crab and finds it a little funky. They have to change plans. Commercial.

Back. Paul grabs the spot prawns he’d bought as back-up. Grayson says that the girls are going to “jam out with our clams out” (ew) while Tyler “does what he does.” The servers turn up and get instructions. “this is the most important service of my life,” Paul reflects.

Paul’s family shows up at his restaurant, named “Qi,” as do Lindsay and some other chefs and the judges. Gail introduces Marco Canora, Top Chef Canada’s Mark McEwan (huh, somehow I want to see Top Chef Canada, now), Tom, and Cat Cora, back once more to shill her upcoming Around the World in 80 Plates show. Paul introduces his first course, Chawanmushi, Steamed Egg Custard, Prawns and Pea Shoots.

Over at Black and Blue, Padma leads another collection of judges into Monte Verde, Sarah’s restaurant, followed by Sarah’s family. The VIP diners here are Padma, Emeril, Hugh, Bill Terlato, and David Myers. Sarah’s first course is Spot Prawns and Coconut with Squid Ink Tagliatelle. Emeril says it’s delicious, and David Myers calls it “perfectly pulled together.” Her second course is Rye Crusted Steelhead Trout with Pickled Beets, Fennel and Gras Pista (left). Emeril loves the crust, but David Myers says the beets are just raw.

Over at Coast, one of the servers calls Paul out to table 30. It’s his girlfriend Dina and his parents! They’re all adorable. Paul cries, but he says it puts him at ease and gets him at ease to win this thing. Paul’s dad cries too. He takes the second course, Grilled Sea Bass with Clam Dashi, Pickled Radishes and Mushrooms out to the judges. Marco says it’s beautiful to look at, and Tom says “it’s hard to fault this.” The third course is Congee with Scrambled Eggs, Uni and Kale (right). Tom doesn’t find it as interesting as the other courses, and says the texture of the rice and fish are too similar.

Sarah’s third course is where she sees herself taking the biggest chance, and she worries that the persimmon and the polenta don’t look great. The dish is Braised Veal Cheek with Veal Sweetbread over polenta (left). Padma says the veal cheek is luscious, but Hugh says the polenta is like breakfast porridge. Her dessert is

Hazelnut Cake with Roasted White Chocolate Ganache (right). David Myers says the white chocolate is an incredible surprise, but Emeril says that while the meal was spot on, the dessert is over the top. They head out to Paul’s restaurant. In the back, Sarah is trying to fix the polenta situation.

Back over at Qi, Paul is working on his ice cream. The final course goes out to the judges: Coconut Ice Cream with Puffed Wild Rice, Mangosteen and Thai Chili Foam. Gail and Cat comment on the spiciness of the foam. Mark McEwan says it was a sexy meal, and Tom thinks Paul knocked it out of the park, and he hopes Sarah can do the same. Commercial.

Back. One of the servers tells Sarah that a table upstairs really wants to see her. It’s her family and her fiancé! Also adorable. Her mom is like a svelter, older version of Sarah. The other set of judges enters, and Sarah introduces the tagliatelle (left) again. Marco likes the infusion of coconut. Sarah asks her family about the food, and her fiancé tells her his fish had a bone in it. She rushes back to the kitchen to check the judges’ portions.

At Qi, a bunch of the chawanmushis get overcooked, and Paul is out of eggs and can’t make more. He’s worried that he’ll go down for this. The second set of judges is not impressed by the overcooked dish. Judges part 2 find Sarah’s fish underseasoned, and Cat thinks the veal cheek needs “a crunch of some kind.” Paul redeems himself with his second course (right), which the judges rave about, and they also love the congee. Cat loves Sarah’s dessert, and David Myers finds Paul’s very refreshing.

Service ends, and Paul hopes his parents will have been proud of him. Sarah says that at this point, fate is in the judges’ hands.

Judges’ Table! Sarah and Paul wearily traipse in to face Hugh, Emeril, Padma, Tom, and Gail. Tom says this is the best food they’ve ever seen in the finale in all 9 seasons, including All Stars. I call bullshit – they had, among some excellent sounding courses, overcooked eggs and polenta they compared to breakfast porridge. You’re going to try to tell me that’s better than the food you’ve had in the other 8 finales? Go on, Tom. Pull the other one.

Anyway, Paul talks about his menu representing him and what he loves. Sarah is proud of her single mother pushing her to be a successful woman on her own. And we move to the critique. Gail says that Sarah’s pasta dish “made sense” even though it was something she hadn’t seen before. Emeril says his fish was perfectly cooked, but the beet was raw, and Hugh agrees that it was a little bitter. Tom compliments the risk in using the dashi with the veal cheeks, but says the sweetbreads were a bit dry. Emeril says the polenta didn’t work for him, but the second seating had it and it was perfect. Hugh and Padma compliment the dessert, with Padma saying it was the best dessert she’s had in all of Top Chef.

Gail says she was blown away by the silky-smoothness of Paul’s first course, but Hugh brings up the fact that it was overcooked at his seating. Tom wishes they’d been able to have what the first seating had. Hugh says the dashi dish was stellar, and Emeril says the broth lifted the components right to the moon. Padma says the congee showed great confidence, but Gail’s not sure it worked with the progression of the menu, but Hugh saw the coherence. Tom liked the way the dessert worked as another savory course, and says it may’ve been his favorite dish of the night. Hugh thinks the puffed rice was too crunchy.

The judges send the chefs back. Paul says the highlight of his night was his dad smiling.

Deliberation. Tom said they both peaked at the right time and made two very special meals. He sees difficulty coming into their discussion since the seatings had two very different first courses, but it sounds like Sarah’s pasta has a slight edge.

Anyway, they keep deliberating, and it sounds like Paul gets the second course and maybe the third by a hair, but Sarah gets dessert by a hair. Paul did the details better, but Sarah took more risks. They both did so well the judges don’t want to see one of them lose for one of these meals. Commercial.

Fakeback. Sarah and Paul shake hands and do a shot.

Wow, Paul won the “who do you think should win” poll 88% to 12% as of viewing time. That’s a for reals margin right there.

Back. The chefs enter again to the applause of their families, their sous, and anyone else the judges could rally up off the streets in Vancouver. I swear, I see five or six bums and cat ladies in there.

Padma reminds them of all the spectacular prizes they could win. Tom says it’s been a pleasure watching them cook all season long. Sarah clearly grew as a cook and took a lot of risks tonight. Paul cooked his heart out all season. They should both be very proud.

Padma tells…Paul…that he is Top Chef! Yay! He’s happy to see his folks and everyone he’s met and the bums and cat ladies there for him. Sarah cries, and thinks she deserved it, but it wasn’t her day. Paul says seeing his dad cry makes him realize he’s really proud of him. Padma proposes a toast to Paul and there’s a really weird cut as Bravo jumps straight to Andy Cohen’s chat show without running the producer’s credits for Top Chef.

And so, we'll end just as abruptly.